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ExpendableEfforts

Nesting Necessary?

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Sometimes....it's hard when your family doesn't understand you....or listen to you....or reason with you....or support you....or trust you....or believe in you....or show the same degree of respect.  I know...I'm not perfect either....but my family makes 0 effort to reach my minimal needs or standards...and I am ALWAYS the one to step in and BREAK IT UP.  When they gang up on me (when I really don't deserve it), there is no one left to ease the situation.

I've been abandoned in more than one way.  My entire family are just a bunch of control freaks.  I really can't do this all alone....not at this point.

I can be flourishing right now if it wasn't for my family holding me back....And god knows I tried everything in my power to just do the right thing.  I've got something great in the works at the moment, and many other important things that SHOULD NOT be delayed.

I lose my mind, not because things didn't go my way....but because I can't FIND ANY EXPLANATION FOR THEIR FOOLISH BEHAVIORS!

Any help would be appreciated.

 

In Deep Distress;

Captain Obvious.

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Definitely My Foo buddy.   I just left the house, the fam jam is a bit too toxic with my current situation.  I never lose my temper, like ever....but I got sick and tired of verbal abuse, harassment, neglect, misunderstanding and trust issues.

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Two items to consider in regards to "can't FIND ANY EXPLANATION [ FOR THIS BEING ALL CAPS ] ... "

1. mainstream media propaganda is a form of brainwashing.  I've convinced people towards one argument, and watched as they go back to the contrary with no new facts after being subject to repeated brainwashing.

2. people have a subconscious calculation ability towards agreeable states.  If consciously following the logic of something would be contrary to an agreeable state ("my history of hitting my children has contributed  to their poor behavior"), then the logic is foregone by subconscious sabotage.  

And, when you combine 1 and 2, you have an agreeable state of tribal acceptance (the fake mainstream media tribe) based upon agreed reality (the Russians are coming) which will short circuit logic.

 

Given poor relations are continued because of convenience, I imagine you haven't departed from your family because of finances.  I suggest, if age would permit, joining the military.  Avoid on the ground positions (unless you want to be inhaling DU and experimented on with various substances).  Or, take your family on a group sky diving excursion...

 

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I was not in a good mood...and I have lost some faith in my family.  There was nothing but frustration, and my immature behaviour can be represented by capital letters.

This is important to note because in shows how out of touch I was with reality.

 

So...allow me to break this down;

My family has accepted the fact that family spats are inevitable...however, I never initiate any harassment or verbal abuse.

I have been targeted without just cause, and they became extremely defensive and controlling.

They do not like the fact that I am an introvert, and are willing to change my personality to 'their' liking.

They do not wish to support my aspirations, nor do they trust my judgement.

They believe that seniority and democracy is more important than reasoning and facts.

They pry into my personal business when they have no right asking.

They want to know everything that is going on with me, yet at the same time, they can't bare to hear anymore.

They want me to be opened...but they shun me every time.

I only do things that are beneficial for them, yet they will not accept my advice.

They do not recognize me for who I am, a good soul.

They had the nerve to tell me that I was using them....and yet they take advantage of my kindness by slandering me with verbal abuse.

They want the best for me...but when I explain what that best thing may very well be...they ignore me.

They refuse to acknowledge that I have made complete changes since my great depression based on their words....and they have the audacity to say that I am the exact same person 6 years ago.

I have told them that the financial situation is the only thing that truly upsets them about me....and they continue to find new blames to pass onto me.

I was heart-broken...abandoned, unwanted, unheard, ignored, bullied, forced into corners, trapped from any escape, without any sense of rational sane solution.

They would rather lecture me on things that are completely irrelevant to the issues at hand....just to prove power over me.

 

Today...I took a stand.  Enough is Enough.  I will not be a part of a broken family that I must amend to every time.

 

Not happening.  This is NOT family.  If I can act rational...you have no excuse to not do so.

Verbal abuse, harassment, bullying, ganging up, forcing opinions, initiations of force....These are all criminally unlawful...and just not a good practice.

It should not happen within the family, and I should have never been mistreated at any given point of time.....EVER.

 

So...Do I leave them behind because they are toxic, or do I attempt to reason with people, who listen to my advice on a personal level, but attack me in a group setting.

 

I hope this calm explanation helped clear some things up....Any advice now?

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It looks like your family isn't going to change their ways anytime soon, so it looks like you have no choice but to leave them. Trying to change them won't work especially since they don't see anything wrong with their behavior.

Leaving your family isn't an easy step to take, but it's sure a relieving one. I should know because I've been there TWICE. The first time I estranged from them was nine years ago. When I ran into some financial trouble a few years later, I moved in with my mother hoping that she changed, but she just wanted her own slave to kick around and my older siblings defended her behavior. I left again three years ago, and I never felt so free. A part of me still wishes that they would change, and I'm (slightly) open to the idea of having them in my life if they're willing to reform, but I highly doubt that's going to happen. 

It can be tough to not have kin to rely on sometimes, but you can use your estrangement to be your own family. Perhaps you can reach out and find a trustworthy friend or two. 

If you choose to leave your family, prepare to experience hoovering, a technique used by abusers in an attempt to lure their victims back to them. Here is more information on that: https://web.archive.org/web/20111219141505/http://lightshouse.org/lights-blog/when-toxic-people-start-hoovering 

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Having been brought up in an environment of control freaks and verbal abuse, I wish you success in enjoying the peace and quiet of living outside your home.  Your negative experience growing up will probably make you a very flexible spouse and parent but I also caution you to realize that people in your position often have an unhealthy self esteem, even if you are confident.  That means you might be more at risk of being willing to date people who are dysfunctional because you are so used to dealing with dysfunctional people.  Someone who grew up in a functionally healthy home can immediately pick up on dysfunctional partners and will naturally want to flee the relationship.  This is not the case with people who have been abused.

I highly recommend making a list of the traits you are seeking in a mate and keep updating that list as you learn more about yourself and your needs.  Realize that you deserve a functional spouse, especially after all the abuse you have been through and realize that you have to be able to know when to cut a potential relationship off rather than trying to make it work.  

You have spent your life living with dysfunctional people.  Try to ensure that the remainder of your life is spent with functional ones.  

To this end, I highly encourage you to learn about what it means to be assertive so that you can handle co-dependent people.  There are many great books written on assertiveness and people like yourself who have been through such abuse often lack assertiveness.  

I recommend reading the book, "Co-dependant No More" and the book "The Assertiveness Workbook".  There are many great books written on these subjects but these two mentioned here are classics.

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Just to let you know....after making my decision on leaving the family nesting...I decided to gift my mother one last time and fulfill her wishes.  Her ultimatum was to seek hospital help or seek out a doctor (which is also at a hospital).  Clearly, there was no 'option' for me...but because I love her I decided to simply play along to prove to her that there is nothing wrong with me.

 

Things got WAY out of hand...even to the point where my own mother, who brought me there, along with all my friends and family DISAGREE with the way that things were carried out.  Unlawful, concealed, demanding, delaying, and out right morally WRONG.  We all agree on how things were carried out was NOT to my BEST INTEREST.  My family will not lift 1 finger to correct this, even though they disagree with the care team that is provided to me.

 

I am seeking my alliance.  I have a lot of information which may be used against "them" to our advantage.  We have won this battle of getting me out....if I'm not alone with this, however...I sense that they are planning something big, a "checkmate" to keep me here permanently.  I ask for all of your assistance and all of your forgiveness for trying to tackle this alone.  Time just kept slipping by...and now...I am begging for aide.

 

Thank you....unfortunately I was placed in a NutHouse involuntarily (And unlawfully to boot), and they have SET me up and are controlling my stay and initiating force against me in many aspects.  I thought that I could take care of this situation on my own...but it is apparent that I am playing against a large number of members who which to keep me here.  I am currently stuck at  the Kirkwood site on the 5th floor (705) 523-7100 ext 8042.
I need to get out of here...and I can no longer do this alone....I need more than just a petition, I need a rally of protesters outside of this building.  They have the power of the "Mental Health Act" behind them....but I have been fighting back with facts and reasoning.  This cannot hold up forever.  I am refusing to take their medications.  The only time my rights are taken away from me in terms of meds, is when the Psychiatrist gives me an ultimatum of meds or meds, which is illegal. 

This is why you haven't heard from me after I left my family.  My family is Definitely the one to blame for this ordeal.

Get as many people involved as you can.

I have done my research, and I am ready to take legal action against the psychiatrists, the Hospital and against this Private Institution at Kirkwood Acute Inpatient Psychiatry.

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