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Spartacus521

NEED YOUR HELP - Body image podcast

My wife has some serious body image issues and her previous counselor was too wimpy/feminine to handle.

We are currently looking for a more authoritative, direct and assertive counselor.

In the meantime, I really need your help: Are there any podcasts where Stef deals with a caller that has body image issues or issues with weight loss/gain? I don't see any that jump out by searching podcasts but I'm sure I'm overlooking some.

I really need your help.  If you can link to something below or a specific podcast, it would really help.  THANK YOU!!!

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On 5/17/2017 at 11:05 PM, Spartacus521 said:

My wife has some serious body image issues and her previous counselor was too wimpy/feminine to handle.

We are currently looking for a more authoritative, direct and assertive counselor.

In the meantime, I really need your help: Are there any podcasts where Stef deals with a caller that has body image issues or issues with weight loss/gain? I don't see any that jump out by searching podcasts but I'm sure I'm overlooking some.

I really need your help.  If you can link to something below or a specific podcast, it would really help.  THANK YOU!!!

What does that first sentence mean? Too wimpy/feminine to handle? 

Why do you need a more authoratative counselor? What is it about that specifically that will help with weight loss/body image? 

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Thanks for the response, her counselor was bringing up unrelated nonsense like Obamacare and was trying to blame me for things (she has never met me).

My wife wants someone who can "call her on her bullshit" as she says it.

Has Stef ever had a caller who has called in with eating disorders or body image issues?

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Quote

Has Stef ever had a caller who has called in with eating disorders or body image issues?

I remember that there was an early podcast (women's counsil) that dealt with body image issues.

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what does your wife think her bullshit is that needs to be called out?

is this something simply that you can call her out on?

what body ishues does she have, is this about how her diet and excercise or what

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I'll give a little of my personal experience here. Stef's take on women's weight issues doesn't work for me and I can't think it would work for any women that has body image issues. Weight is not a matter of will power for women (for the most part). It is nearly always body image issues that are the driving force. The need to be attractive to survive drives it. Even women with normal body weight can and do have body image issues. They just handle it differently than those that are overweight. And no matter how much will power a woman has, she will eventually cave when the shame gets loud enough.

The basic problem I have seen is connecting morality to food. This manifests in judging food as either "good" or "bad". And should a woman partake of the "bad" (whatever that means in a given moment), she ultimately judges herself as bad, evil, unworthy, a failure, useless, weak . . . . fill in the blank. She thinks she deserves to get kicked out of the tribe for bad behavior. 

You didn't mention her issue, but I'll take a guess here. Binge eating and binge exercising are particularly widespread issues in women today. My theory on this is the survival instinct is still very strong and stress of any kind can activate the "fight or flight" survival mechanism in women. Specifically, the restriction of food at any time activates that survival mechanism. The need to eat and store fat for a coming bad time gets stronger and stronger the longer restriction is enforced. 

The binge eating issue manifests when restricting food or "treats" in order to reach a weight goal. Many times that goal is unrealistic. Sometimes it is simply the fear of gaining weight that will drive women to binge eat or binge exercise. The binge eating or exercise is initiated after "falling off the wagon". Sometimes weight is lost, sometimes not. Sometimes weight is lost and immediately binged back into existence. Sometimes a woman who looks to have a normal weight is actually exercising 4 or 6 or more hours a day as she calculates how many calories she needs to burn to compensate for those 3 candy bars or dozen donuts. It equates to lots and lots of eliptical time that can cripple an otherwise healthy body. But always, always that drive to eat and relieve the restriction of "lean times" and return to the safety of abundance is screaming like a banshee in her head.

The real kicker is tying it to morality. Once that drive to eat reaches a fever pitch and she must have just one bite --- well, it's all over then. The illogical, emotional mind retakes control and tells her "well, you've had one bite and ruined everything You might as well eat the whole thing. And while you are at it, why not take advantage of your momentary lack of control and eat a whole bag of potato chips and a couple of candy bars. Then wash it down with a Coke. You have to start over anyway so get in all the pleasure you can now before restriction reasserts itself and you lean times are upon you once again. Then the cycle repeats. 

I broke the binge / restrict cycle by removing all restrictions on eating. I know it sounds counterintuitive but it actually works really well. Remove the restriction and you remove the need to binge. I had a coach who got me started. I've helped a few others as well. You do not have to be diagnosed with anorexia or bulemia to have issues with binging and purging. There are elements of addictive behavior involved. In order to heal from this cycle it requires letting go of the need to be thin. Few women can actually do this. Included in their own emotional issues with body image is the need to be attractive to survive. This part of it is very hard to recognize and even harder to overcome. It requires surrender to the idea that you may be fat for the rest of your life. It requires accepting the absolute worst case scenario. It requires letting go of any control of your weight PERIOD. 

I'm still overweight but not binging my way back to obesity. I don't diet. I'm taking the systems approach (ref Scott Adams). My life plan now revolves around eating when I am hungry and stopping when I'm not quite full. I don't make that goal most of the time but it's there in front of me whenever I choose it. If at any time I try to force myself to this plan, just as with any other "diet", I will binge on the other side. So I surrender and stick with the systems approach. I'd rather be fat and at peace than restrict / binge and live with intense shame for the rest of my life. 

I've simplified it here but I believe I've covered most of the key points. My heart goes out to your wife. Everyone thinks it's will power. They have no idea. None. 

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