I do talk about it openly, and I hope you understand that being too open can be hurtful to any relationship because temporary thoughts can arise that after more consideration you don't actually mean it, realise you didn't communicate it properly or was being controlled by your unconscious mind. Don't take my word for it, Stefan the lord and saviour has said so himself that it is a bad idea to say everything that comes to mind in a relationship (I don't mean that in a patronising way). So, when you say you hope I have a relationship wherein I can discuss these topics openly, I hope you consider this perspective. I have already been too open with her, and it ends up in a mess of misunderstanding and being LESS able to empathise with each other. She says I'm one of the most honest and frank people she has ever met.
I don't really know what you mean by this. Can you give me an example of something of consequence you shouldn't talk about openly? An example of why misunderstanding and lack of empathy occur? How do you know that your 'temporary thoughts' aren't valid or worthy of discussion? If you make inaccurate, irrational temporary judgments, isn't it important to understand WHY you are doing so, what your partner might be doing to set off this irrationality in you? It seems like the type of thing that could be overcome through investigation.
And it's great she considers you honest, but of course, that is only applicable to the degree which she is honest.
I have thought about the proposition that people have low self-esteem because they lack self-knowledge and that people of low self-esteem may attract each other and not really love each other. I believe this is what you are trying to say and please correct me if I have misunderstood you. I'm trying my least to make assumptions. It is brought up again and again. However, it is not something I connect to. In fact, most of the things brought up in this community, I don't fully understand and can't imagine how it applies to my life.
If you're not relating to that, then great! Like I said, I'm just offering a different perspective than what I was seeing most of the other people post, to make sure you had a wider set of ideas to consider which might apply to you.
She did not know I was depressive until I told her so why would she reject me? She has explicitly told me she did not consciously know I have low self-esteem until I told her. Why does that say something about her own self-esteem? You say women have a keen eye for these things. You do understand that I'm not always depressed and don't always have self loathing. From my limited, humble perspective, she has very high self-esteem. She claims to have great self-knowledge and I cannot find evidence to doubt that. In fact, I only have reason to believe it given her life transformations and incredibly high self-determination.
Well, it's not like these things are just on the surface: they say that 9/10ths of communication is non-verbal, for example. Obviously, you know this to be the case, given that you are posting about your subconscious providing information to you via a dream, which your conscious mind is struggling to interpret!
SO did she really not pick up on the fact that you were facing periods of depressive symptoms and feelings of low self-worth? That's a bit strange, right? If you're her boyfriend, you would think she would have a pretty good connection with you and recognize when you're feeling mentally unwell. Or she did notice subconsciously, and ignored it consciously. In either case, that seems like evidence to me that warrants doubt of her own claims of "great self-knowledge".
I'm glad to hear your depressive and self-esteem issues are infrequent instead of constant! That's a welcome clarification.
Does my low self-esteem come from low self-knowledge or something more trivial like my sociability? And what is falling in love?
Sorry man, I don't know. Maybe your lack of self-knowledge comes from your low self-esteem? Chicken or egg? Who knows? You would need to speak to a therapist to untangle that knot, not me.
Well, it was you who said you "love" your girlfriend but "haven't fallen in love" with her. SO why don't you present your definitions of love and falling in love? Don't let me impose my definitions on you. I could just be totally misunderstanding what you meant when you said that....
Perhaps our experiences are too different. Your hypothesis is beautiful, but I'm having trouble understanding how it makes sense in my life mate. Either other community members are naive and take what is said in this community for granted, they find it applicable in their lives, or my understanding is defective. I spent 3 bloody hours last night just trying to figure out what the hell the unconscious mind is. I admit it, I don't know anything! It's extremely frustrating. It could be a proof of my lack of self-knowledge. I guess I could have a better idea by asking you this question: are the concerns and questions I have raised above at least possibly reasonable in your perspective? Maybe I only have a very surface level understanding of what you are trying to say
My post may not be very relevant to you. It was just one perspective that I felt was not presented and was worthy of consideration, because it would apply to some people in some cases, with some of the same limited circumstances that you outlined in the post.
Are your questions possibly reasonable to me? Of course. Basically, your post whittles down to: "I don't think this hypothesis applies to me", would you agree? That is totally reasonable!! I'm no therapist, I have very limited information about you and your girlfriend.
If you meant the questions in the original post, about your girlfriend being superior, your dad being inferior, perhaps finding your dad, etc....Those are all also worthy for your consideration, and the other posts made by others had some good stuff as well. I just saw that they were all skewed toward the theory that your girlfriend is some beacon of light (which she may very well be), and I saw something in the dream that could question that theory and wanted to bring that to your attention as well so that you would be able to consider different perspectives.