I wanted to talk about self-erasure. Has anybody else had problems with this?
There's so many things I want to change/accomplish in my life, but for whatever reason I just refuse to actually commit myself to the actions I would need to take to achieve them. I'll sort of break two big ones down here:
1. Social & Relationships:
I have very few friends currently, and I'm starting to realize that the friends I do have may not be the best people for me. But when I think about trying new things, or going to meetup groups, or anything like that I feel a bit anxious and never will myself to do it. Then I get upset with myself for not making decisions to change, but that doesn't deter me from continuing to not change.
2. My Own Business:
This honestly goes hand-in-hand with the social issues I face. I can build websites, and I want to run my own business doing freelance web design for local businesses. I KNOW I can build pretty good websites and that those websites would help the businesses generate more sales. But when it comes to SELLING the service I struggle motivating myself to make sales call.
I had been thinking out loud about these issues earlier and I had this train of thought:
Imagine that I had a product....let's say it's a pen. It's the best pen ever, it writes fluidly from full to dry, and it can hold twice as much ink as any other pen without taking up more space, etc... However, I don't make sales calls to sell the pen, I don't advertise the pen, I don't sell it to retailers, hell even half the people I know personally have no idea this pen exists. It's almost as if I don't want people to know it exists.
And then I realized that maybe that's it. Maybe, for whatever reason, I just don't want people to even know I exist? I don't know, but I'm very frustrated and this issue is really stagnating my entire life and I need help.