I am thinking about leaving FDR and unsubscribing from Stefs YouTube channel.
I have not been on this site for very long (though I have lurked for some time), and I have not donated anything to Stef or the FDR community as a whole so I do not expect that me leaving has any importance or that anyone will really care, but I wanted to make this thread to get some input on the reason I am contemplating this.
I think I have become too reliant of Stefs prospective.
I carry around in my wallet a quote from Christopher Hitchens which has always been a source of both comfort and inspiration to me. He said…“Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way.” I carry this around with me because when I heard it my life was changed. I became a skeptic and started critically thinking about my belief systems.
I have been throughout my life (and arguably still am) a follower and very impressionable; when I was young I was not necessarily encouraged to have my own beliefs as I was raised in a religious household (Mormon) and I was always a very shy person. This led me to latch on to anything that my parents believed in (i.e. I was Mormon because they were; I was conservative because they were, etc).
When my parents split and I got a little older I went through a rebel phase and for the first time in my life I felt a little liberated. I moved away to the other side of the country on a whim in an attempt to find myself. However looking back on it now I was just following a new leader (or leaders) in the form of the literature I read, the media I consumed, and the people I surrounded myself with. To me at the time 9/11 was an inside job not due to any evidence, but because my brother, my friends and some charismatic guys on the net and elsewhere said so.
After a few years I started questioning some things I believed (probably due to some depression) this is when I discovered the Hitchens quote. For the first time in my life I told myself that I do not know shit; that all my beliefs are based off of laziness. I asked myself how I can hold the beliefs that I do without actually understanding them. I came to the conclusion that my beliefs (true or not) were faith based positions.
I promised myself I would never fall into this trap again. But alas…I believe I have. I no longer do the work I just let Stef do it and then say to myself “Stef is smart he must be right weeeeeeeee!”
So today after feeling really uncomfortable and depressed I went out of my way to convince myself that all my beliefs were false, which was just as counterproductive as it sounds. After that little bit of self abuse I just sat and went into a state of deep thought and came to a very sad conclusion in that I cannot listen to anyone who is in any sort of spotlight without becoming absolutely enamored.
Maybe I am in the right and my desire to pursue truth trumps listening to Stef and lurking in these forums, or maybe I’m just crying out for help with this thread simply dismayed that my beliefs are almost universally rejected I’m honestly not sure.
So any comments or suggestions would be great, thanks all.