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A general problem with therapy and therapists

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  • 16 posts

My partner and I were talking about therapists and psychotherapy etc and she said the basic idea of it is messed up. She said the reason we need healing is because our emotional needs weren't met by our parents. So we are trying to get them met as adults. Some of these basic needs are to feel valued, important, cared about.


But a therapist will stop helping you if you stop paying them. So how important are you going to feel, how cared about and what do they value...you or your money?


I like Alice Miller's idea of an enlightened witness more and more these days.


BTW I was just writing an email to Daniel Mackler. I feel fortunate that he and I have been in touch a fair amount in the past month or so. He is the closest thing I have to a peer right now. Though we don't agree on everything. We do both feel strongly about child abuse and see the cause and effect relationship.


Anyhow I remember how he said he used to help clients who couldn't afford to pay much. I admire him for that. I understand though cuz I have helped so many people for free. Sometimes I have gotten paid but it isn't really money that motivates me. I need to feel valued and there are other ways to help me feel valued, like reading my website, applying or trying to apply my ideas and giving me emotional support when I need it - which is pretty often lately.


But back to Daniel. First before I forget I have created my own page on him and his work




Ok so now that I've shown that I want to share this. After I wrote Daniel just now I thought I might send him some money cuz I value him. But I decided not to do that because I don't want our relationship to be based on money. I don't want him to be motivated by money to help me and keep validating me - as he has been doing in his emails pretty much from the star.


As my partner said that is now how we were designed to work. She used a Marshall Rosenberg term - natural giving. In other words, it is natural for us, innate, to feel good when we help others.


So yeah, that's my two cents on all that.


tfr thanks for reading




oh, one more note. i have asked a lot of people if their therapist would cry if they killed themselves. the majority, in fact the vast majority, have said no.

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I know very little about psychotherapy, but from what I have read, it seems it could be very beneficial.   Is a typical session one where a therapist listens to what your concerns, fears, anxieties are and tries to make sense of them?   If this is the case, it would seem the success or failure of therapy would largely depend on the wisdom of the therapist.  That being the case, how can one determine whether a therapist is excellent at what they do?   How does one begin?
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  • 1412 posts

FDR1716 Freedomain Radio Sunday Show 1 Aug 2010 - How to Find a Great Therapist


FDR1927 How to Find a Great Therapist!

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msg-15999-0-69214900-1403872028.jpg    header_logo.png   podcasts_icon.png.original.png


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Thanks, Wesley!

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Stephen C

Stephen C

    Cutie Pie

  • 945 posts

I have a Part that has said to my therapist things along the lines of "You wouldn't help me if I had no money" and "You don't really care about me.". I would suggest you explore more with this Part. Some questions that were worth me asking... How old are you? What is your job? Do you like your job? What do you think about me? Is there another Part you are protecting? Also, it may be worth considering if this perspective reminds you of any memories from your past.  

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- "It's just whatever grows from the seed called honesty, and the watering of the tears of loss. Whatever grows from that is your True Self." - Stef

- "people don't care what you know until they know you care" ~Aldo Pucci

‎"compassion is the engine that makes caring happen and without compassion, intellect becomes a monster"

- "a self attack is what happens when we FORGET something. we attack ourselves whenever we forgot who we are. when we separate from the love that we are, we start to fight with ourselves but we forgot that we don't like to fight because we are love." 

- "the things that people say are their worst qualities are usually their finest qualities when you can find this to be true in you, you will find a much better opinion of yourself" ~ Dee

"Loss of empathy might well be the most enduring and deepest-cutting scar of all, the silent blade of an unseen enemy, tearing at our hearts and stealing more than our strength. Stealing our will, for what are we without empathy? What manner of joy might we find in our lives if we cannot understand the joys and pains of those around us, if we cannot share in the greater community?"
-Drizzt Do'urden


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  • 324 posts

Is a doctor any less valuable because you are paying them? After all they only take care of the sick because they are getting paid...They most not really care about their patients.

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"So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family." - George Carlin