My Dad didn't teach me empathy by abusing me. That is an unkind distortion of my point. My empathy isn't because of my father, it is in spite of him. My frustration, anger, come from my Dad. And the times I covered those emotions trying to be dispassionate or rational or super articulate while engaging in go nowhere arguments were also because of my father.
I didn't say your dad "taught you empathy by abusing you." In fact, I specifically said "Your father didn't teach you how to empathize." and I said he "modeled the opposite" and you disliked that model and went in the other direction. That is an example of how someone can become more empathetic in response to a counter-example. You have repeatedly said the only way empathy comes about is by basically mimicking or internalizing empathy that someone shows to you. But the story of your dad is an example that you already had empathy inside you and his counter-example made you grow in empathy in order to oppose it.
You said "The thing, for me, that helps me refrain from being abusive is to think the thought 'I am being just like my father right now.'" So the example of your father gave you something to push against that helps you be less abusive to others. This shows that a counter-example can be powerful in making someone more conscious about empathizing with others, just as an example can be. Someone treating you with empathy can give you a role model to want to be more like. Someone treating you without empathy - or any example of someone lacking empathy - can give you a role model to try to be more unlike.
So, this is another mechanism by which empathy can grow. And there are still other mechanisms, as well. The point is that in different people in different situations, empathy can grow in response to a variety of mechanisms. The mechanism of "someone gives me empathy and as a result my empathy for others grows" is one, but not the only one.
I hope you understand these contradictions aren't rational or neutral. I find them telling. Your desire to be right comes even at the cost of trying to hurt me (trying to use my own history against me) , distort my arguments, and then contradicting yourself to avoid responsibility. Do you understand the underlying emotions going on here?
What I'm finding telling is that you are repeatedly misquoting me and then claiming I said things I didn't say, sometimes in spite of me literally saying the exact opposite of what you said, such as the quotes I bolded above. I could comment further on my perception of what is going on here, which obviously differs from your perception of what is going on. Suffice it say I disagree with your assessment. But I think it best that I don't get into that discussion any deeper.
I am sorry if you are finding the conversation upsetting. And I assure you that I am not trying to "use your history against you" or in fact do anything "against you." In fact, I think it is entirely admirable that, in response to your father's counter-example, you redoubled your efforts to be less abusive. And I'm not sure why you are so adamant that there is only one way people can grow in empathy or why you'd find that desirable. I am very happy that there are multiple means by which empathy is fostered. One of those is through counter-examples. That doesn't mean it is our favorite method. It is a shame such counter-examples exist. But, as long as they do exist, it's certainly better that empathy can grow out of counter-examples than if it couldn't and only abusers could ever emerge from abuse.
For me this is a discussion about various mechanisms by which empathy develops in people. It is not a personal issue of me vs. you. And I have no interest in a discussion that is like that.