...that quickly escalated into an argument!
A few hours ago a friend of mine posted a certain status that I kind of regret engaging in and I would like your opinion on what went down. I would obviously prefer if people had my back on my stance 100%, but please feel free to tell me where I went wrong. I can already admit that my initial response to the status was condescending, but thankfully that's not where the heat rose right away. For all intents and purposes, I will type out an unedited transcript of the conversation. My name is Marlon, and the women I spoke with are Faith (my no longer friend) and Bria (her friend who jumped in for some tag team action).
Faith's Status: I am pretty sure that i was a good kid. Why are mine being brats.
Marlon: Look in the mirror
Faith: ....i am not a brat now...if thats what you mean.
Marlon: No I mean how are you treating them? Are you simply annoyed by their behaviour and want them to just stop it...or are you taking the time to genuinely understand their needs beneath the behaviour?
Faith: It was just a brat moment they had nothing big. I am treating my kids well. They are taken care of very well just a 1 year old and a 3 year old behavior that is annoying. Wait until you have kids you will understand what i mean then.
Marlon: I've been babysitting. I know first hand lol
Faith: Lol babysitting and being an everyday parent are two different things believe me.
Marlon: Oh for sure. I'm just saying there's usually a need thats just left unmet so that's why they can be troublesome. Especially if they can't speak yet its a lot of guess work. Does your 3 year old speak yet and can they voice their needs?
Faith: Ok i am going to stop you right here, and say this is over. my kids needs are met. And i am not going on with this convo any more because you know nothing about how i am with mychildren or what their needs are it was a simple like why wont my kids eat their dinner with out being a brat. It was nothing to do with every day behavior. But thanks for making this post something it was not.
Bria: Faith's kids are saints! For me lol and my kid is a saint for her. Like faith said, day in and day out. Sometimes, after telling your kid not to do something for the 9 millionth time and they STILL dont listen, constitutes a brat moment. Like faith said, babysitting isnt even scratching the surface. Kids always listen better to people who arent their parents. My step son listens to me a million times better than my daughter! Kids are PEOPLE and sometimes they can be frustrating, just like anyone else.
Marlon to Faith: Yikes no need to get defensive especially after I was empathizing with you and asking a genuine question.
To Bria: You have a point Bria and I noticed a million no's do become ineffective. I usually just offer positive alternatives instead of imposing restrictions all the time. It gets tiring trying to control another human being all day. My neice is pretty bratty about eating too, but when she's hungry she will whine with an ear piercing cry. And she WILL eat when she wants to and its no big deal for me if she doesn't eat when I want her to.
Faith: Stop where you be right now before i get ugly. And really what did you want me to say? oh thanks now that you say it like that i see your point. I see that maybe i am not beeting their needs and i am being negligent towards my kids...fuck off man. Thats a bunch of bull shit. Like i said in the last post stop before i am no longer this friendly. Because you opened up a conversation you have no right to talk about. Seeing as you onky baby sit. Good day.
Bria: Kids need restrictions. Theyre the kid, youre an adult. I made the money to buy you groceries, i got the groceries, i cooked the food. Is it too much to say that your child is being a brat because they dont want to eat when you ask them to? Wait until you have kids. Then you can join this conversation. Until then, i suggest you stick to what you know, which apparently isnt parenting.
Marlon: Ok there is a huge misunderstanding here. I wasn't even trying to undermine neither of your parenting abilities, just trying to have a good discussion so I can see what other views there are different from mine.
If you're all gonna take it personally and think I am attacking you for simply sharing my views without imposition, I wouldn't even worry about your parenting abilities beyond this point. I would be more concerned with why theres such a strong reaction from me simply stating that children become brats when a need is unmet.
No I do not know a single thing about your children's needs are and neither did I say you were negligent. If you think I was trying to undermine you or your intelligence, thats not my problem.
Again, I agreed with some of what you said and empathized with it, and if youre more on the business of attacking me instead of actually reading what I said and gave it some thought--well then, I am starting to worry for your kids if you react to rationality this easily. But hey if when I said look in the mirror triggered something in you I'm sorry.
And just like that, I got defriended and blocked. Good riddance, she was just a friend of an old exgirlfriend I had in high school who I never had the chance of meeting in person. I used to chat with her a lot but that dwindled over time. Anyways, I really hate that "wait til you have children" argument. My counter argument to that is "I don't have to! I've BEEN a kid! I know which parenting approach worked for me more." On the offbeat chance my parents did the right thing, there was no fuss no muss and I usually learned quickly about whatever I needed to learn. Anyways, hope that wasn't too long for some people, if you read that all I would love to thank you for taking the time to do so and I look forward to your feedback on my approach.