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Found 4 results

  1. I have some time after school closes for summer next week, so I'd like to do something more useful than my general strategy of wake up in the middle of the night to play video games until I crash at four. Personally, I am an introvert and so would prefer to learn something at home like coding. I don't know where I'd start or even what to start if I wanted to code though. Is starting by reading some primer on Java a good idea? Do you have any recommendations for anything more useful I could try?
  2. Hey yall, I have been off the forums (was of course still donating) for about 4 years but still on board with FDR's message. I am having some depression issues lately I would love to talk about with some people. I have been to therapy and had a talk on Stefan's show years ago but am still fighting some demons deeply ingrained in me. Background: My parents neglected me my during my entire childhood, they ignored me when I was physically and verbally abused at school/church/home/by my older brother/everywhere. When I was 10 I voiced a concern that I was extremely unhappy with how life was and would not mind dying. I was not asking to die then, I was just stating that I would totally accept that as a finality to escape everything I was forced to deal with. My parents, being asshats, decided to drug me with SSRI's (when I was 10) which only increased my suicidal thoughts while simultaneously convincing me that I cannot trust my parents to take care of me. I stopped opening up to everyone and everything and was essentially a walking husk from age 10-21. I cried almost every day due to the social isolation/bullying/no empathy from anyone/no one cared about my experiences and other emotionally devastating experiences that would take up far too much room on this post so I will leave it with this: I was told my entire life to man up, stop crying, blah blah blah other completely heartless things a normal person would NEVER say to a victim of physical/emotional abuse. From ages 10-21 I wished for some way to die, not by my hands because my self esteem had been so utterly destroyed I could never bring myself to do such a thing, it would just be a very easy escape from the situations forced on me that will never leave my mind. My issue as of today, I am 25, is that the part of me that was forced to go through those experiences is still with me and he is still emotionally devastated. I have given that entity, I call him childhood me, as much love as I possibly can. I tell him every day that I love him, I support him and we can never go back in time to give ourselves a happy childhood that we should have had. I encourage him, I support him, I NEVER call him names, I don't put him down and I try to treat him as nice as possible because of how terrible I feel for the crap he had to put up with. Despite this self-love, the childhood me still feels like a mutilated rag-doll that has felt such self-hate, external hate, ridicule, humiliation, neglect, cold indifference and isolation he is still opting for the surrender and give up option. I am seeking more therapy but in the long-term the therapies I went through did not seem to curb these thought process. Please let me know your thoughts, the current me does not want to die. He (current me) wants to fight child abuse to his dying breath but he is forever-more linked to the childhood me who is still suffering from a lack of love/connection in my past. -Jeremy Motivation for song: NF Let you down
  3. Hello people, hope things are going well for you all! I have finally published my self-help book ''Dear Self'', and wanted to share it with you awesome people here in the community! The book is pretty short, it is an introduction to journaling and being curious and open with yourself. For now, I have it up for free over at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/484220 , so if you'd like to check it out! If you read it and enjoyed it/got something out of it, I would very much appriciate it if you would leave a review of it. Also, if you thought it was really worthwhile, you can hop over to http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Self-self-therapy-introspection-journaling-ebook/dp/B00OKM850G/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1413561283&sr=8-2&keywords=dear+self (or just search it on amazon), and buy a copy. I'd really appriciate it
  4. AnCapJavi

    Started therapy

    Had my first therapy session yesterday. It wasn't very fruitful. The therapist thinks she may not be the right one for me. I think I might agree but I wanna see it through a few more sessions before switching. Before I went to her I looked her up and found out she's a pretty serious Christian. I'm an atheist and have some pretty bad history with religion but maybe she can help. I mean it's possible. I don't have a car right now and she's the only therapist that's really walking distance. I've been reading self-help for a LONG time and lately I've gotten into Dr. Albert Ellis and Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. Over that last couple of weeks I've been able to identify my irrational beliefs about certain things and not get too upset about certain things any more by using his stuff precisely. Being a smart guy and someone who tends to get very immersed in things, I wanna find a therapist who does REBT in particular since I'm reading about it but it's not absolutely necessary. If I don't think the therapist is sharp or I'd say someone who impresses me with their ability (as I am with anyone I'd listen to about anything) I tend to not wanna take them seriously. Thoughts anyone?

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