I lost my virginity at 18. There is absolutely no way in hell that I would ever contemplate being with him again.
MOST people don’t change...However, I happen to be one of those that did. Of course, it took me 40 years and counseling, along with lots of research and reading to only find out why I was the way I was, but not how to CHANGE IT. Then, one day, my brother sends me this you tube video, titled “my girlfriend’s in the attic” and then another one about a guy dating a super model. After that, I was unstoppable! The key was finally holding myself responsible for all the crappy choices I had made, instead of playing the victim and blaming men for everything. Nowadays, you could not PAY me to cheat, lie, or disrespect my man. I finally get it. It’s impossible to truly love someone and treat them as most women do. I was one of those “it’s my way or the highway” women and if they didn’t like something that I did, I knew that there would be another man willing to take his place. That’s how horrible of a person I was! I’m ashamed to say it, but I was a selfish POS. I acted that way because I never wanted to “need” a man. I was hyper independent, made 6 figures a year, had my own small ranch, built my own house, worked on my own tractor, and never depended on anyone financially. I also thought that marriage was the worst thing that could happen to two people (no thanks to the horrible example that my parents set for me). Now, almost two years after my brother sent me that first video, my outlook is completely the opposite! I just celebrated two years dating a man who was just as dysfunctional as I was with relationships. I am happier than I have ever been, and I absolutely KNOW that I will never treat him the way that I treated every man before him. We are not perfect, but with my newfound knowledge, I am able to calmly and maturely talk to him about my insecurities, as well as his. I always try to set the example and be the better person even when things have gotten tense. I now know that most of the hurtful things we say and do to our partners, have nothing to do with them and EVERYTHING to do with us and our own insecurities. For the first time in my life, I actually WANT to be married and can see spending the rest of my life with him. For the first time in my life, I’m not threatening to break up with him, or leave him, and I’m happy doing things that make HIM happy. I’m ok if things aren’t exactly the way I want them, unlike my old selfish self. He actually listens to videos and podcasts with me and we talk about how dysfunctional our past relationships were and the dysfunction of the relationships around us. It’s unlike anything I have ever had with anyone. I’d rather be with him than anyone else. And sex? Sex is unlike anything I have had with anyone else- not because we are doing flying trapeze tricks but because we truly care deeply for one another.
So, I think that, yes! the biggest predictor of the future is someone’s past...but I know that every once in a while someone can truly be enlightened. It’s just a matter of finding that person. Which, I admit, is not easy.