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Carmelo

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About Carmelo

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Gaming, Art (both traditional and digital), freelance writing and I quite enjoy arguing with people.

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  1. I already read and write at home. Working with others just makes me distracted and emotionally exhausted. With the after school program, I'm trying my best to avoid school and the education system ^^' why do you want me to join after school program? There is no after school program anyway. Who's going to drive me home? I don't go to college either. Yep, this isn't quite the right solution for me. Getting away from my family is impossible at the moment, it's all about avoiding them at home. Ignoring my family's influence on my life. My mother doesn't really answer questions, or she answers them with irrational arguments (which are usually "not an argument"). Such as "I'm always right, so, therefore, you are wrong about x" or "X, Y, and Z parents are way worst than me so you be grateful", "I cannot change because I'm Asian" etc etc. I have told her (actually nearly every day) how I wish she would have a real and meaningful conversation or we could maybe establish a better connection, she's not interested in a chat with me and I can't remember any conversation we've had that has actually gone well. Not even one. I have to disagree with your theory ^^. You've done a great job predicting a typical western mom though! I am certain that she is the opposite of what you've described. She thinks she's always right. When I do nag her and argue/reason with her about her parenting she sometimes just admit to being a bad mother. And I ask her if you know you've been a bad mother why are you not changing yourself? Her answer is she doesn't want to change, she wants to be "bad" in my terms because it makes her happy and she enjoys it. This shows her opinion that she really doesn't believe there's anything wrong with herself. If she did, she would be changing herself without me having to tell her to. She thinks I'm mentally ill so of course, it's natural for her to believe she's all right and virtuous. I think if I turned out to be a good parent she won't be jealous or guilty. She'll just think I'm weird not hitting my kids and reasoning with them without an authoritarian rule.
  2. Unfortunately, the only jobs available to me would be the minimum wage. That's still making money, just not worth it. Also, I'm not "free to go wherever whenever" I want. I've already explained that I'm studying at the moment and I barely have time to enjoy myself anyway. I did ask her about her childhood and then try to empathize with her. It's no use at all, she just justified her abuse and told me she deserved it. Then went on to explain why she's doing it to me: because its for my own good. I asked her "Doesn't it feel horrible to be abused like that?" and she replied "yeah of course, hahahahah. But you will realize when you grow up that parents do this for their children's own benefit. Then you'll be doing it to your own kids." Regarding the theory of people inflicting insults that would hurt them the most. It's perfectly normal for people to do that. After all, when people want to throw insults they want the person to feel the worst. And the insult they consider the worst would be the one that they feel is the worst to them. I hope I'm making sense. Phtehhh, never said mom wasn't crazy. When she realized I was really depressed she got mad and told me to jump off the balcony. To this day, I still don't understand how that worked. "She does not call you 'un-normal' or 'mentally ill' because you are mentally ill, but because she is projecting onto people who challenge her self-image the true deep judgment that she has of herself but would also harm herself the most if it came to the surface. She is diagnosing herself, not you." I don't understand this bit but I feel like it's important. Can you elaborate?
  3. Thanks again for emphasizing so much. I'm so surprised by the amount of feedback and support I got from starting this thread. It also gave me a new perspective on how serious this issue actually is. Before I am free, I do not actually expect anything out of life. I feel like every day is futile and hopeless as I'm spending all my time studying and otherwise spending time at school, learning about useless things. I have told my mum on multiple occasions on how I felt and she never gave a damn sometimes just replying "I heard you.". She avoids conversations about me in general. In my previous post, it explains how I have no friends. I'm going to be honest with you that I'd rather lock myself up in a room and do something productive (gaming, writing, reading etc) than go outside and volunteer at breast cancer foundation or something. Also, I don't have enough time to satisfy my own leisure time anyway let alone volunteering. I'm already keeping myself away from my mother and trying to busy myself with fruitless tasks.
  4. Yeah, a typical SJW will complain how this place is overflowing with white heterosexual men... But I guess it just shows us how few Asian people tend to be rational. :^ I'm not actually doing as well as you're thinking. Sometimes I still get ruled by my emotions. Conforming just enough? I understand the NAP doesn't apply and lying, etc but you know.. I'm scared of my mum. There's no getting away with anything. If I'm not conforming then I'm considered mentally ill. This sort of thing is normal in China too. If one does something the others don't then everybody would avoid them. I'm pretty sure she's thinking what she's doing is normal and for my benefit because she doesn't want me to be socially isolated. In terms of friendship, I have 0 close friends ^^' Whenever I establish new friendships the most they lasted was 2 years. Then we'd either drift apart or get into a fight. I have had lots and lots of friends but kept none. I've grown quite desperate and tried to keep friendships for as long as I could even if its self-erasing but now I've just given up. I'm avoiding friendships because they've done nothing but waste my time and damage me internally. I am fine with online friends and people I barely meet. I never said my mother is morally right. She's the one who thinks that. As I mentioned, she is very passive aggressive and always complaining about her lack of satisfaction and happiness in life. She believes life isn't supposed to be enjoyable and if you don't like that then you can end yourself. And oh, her lack of happiness is all my fault of course. I'm always being accused of making her life miserable and how I'm restricting her freedom and making her life shorter by forcing her to look after me and make food for me and stressing about me. That I'm never grateful for all her sacrifices just to keep me alive and giving birth to me and how she feels like she's in a prison. She also keeps on telling me not to have children because she doesn't want me to end up like her: miserable and being imprisoned by the constant demands of children. Has she fulfilled any of those categories? To some degree but not the happiness and health bit. When she didn't accomplish something in her life, she wants me to do it instead. I guess that's a positive sign that she wants the best for me but she's demanding that I excel academically and find a doctor husband whos taller than me and not have children and this and that .... which is all by the way not how I want to live my life. She believes she owns me and that I am her property. What has this got to do with the situation I'm in right now? Or are you trying to know her a bit better? It was a nice rant though. I'm studying at the moment and making money isn't going to make me more independent as I'll need my parents to drive me. Also, earning around 6 dollars an hour isn't going to make me financially dependent. My parents are scary because of a million reasons but they all come down to the fact that their toxic and their tiger parenting. Does the country matter? I'm in a relatively wealthy western country :3
  5. ^^' plz understand I have scary Asian parents... Also that I am very dependent on them. Of course, when I'm old enough I'll probably try to slip away from their lives. I can't think of any way to be free of her right now. I can't make money, I can't drive, I can't even go outside my own damn house without my mum's permission. As a young person, I have 0 freedom or responsibility for anything significant. Yes, keeping yourself busy is a really effective way to forget about your captivity. Too bad all I have to busy myself with is studying. Hmmm... but I'll take self-defense lying into consideration heheheh considering it's morally ok.
  6. This is honestly the most satisfying reply I've received on fdr. Sure, you don't fully grasp how dysfunctional Asian parents/culture work but I feel like you've somehow emphasized with me anyway ^^'. I am quite aware of everything going on but I never feel like I have enough knowledge. This obviously contrasts to my mother, I'm grateful I can turn out to be like this under her parenting. Yep, my mother puts conformity above all else. She used the fact that I was diagnosed with depression to her own advantage. Now she can use pills to force me to make friends and work hard and sleep earlier etc. She went out to buy a crap tonne of medication as soon as the doctor suggested it even though she promised me she won't. (and then got mad when I told her I never wanted them). But are you suggesting that I do live up to her expectations? (be popular, be super happy, love things that I don't enjoy)? Because that was what I did before and I decided that I was emotionally and mentally torturing myself. I should just be me and do things that I love. Also, I did turn crazy when I conformed. I was dysfunctional and made horrible decisions all the time. I wouldn't have to deal with all this... if I had white parents! In fact, any parents will do as long as they're not toxic. To be completely honest, even when I can escape I'll still be connected to them for quite a while because they can financially support me. With all the high rents and the unstable economy ahead of us, I doubt I'd get away completely. Thanks for the radio recommendations, though I think I'm already quite healthy (physically and mentally). As I mentioned, I don't think I'm depressed. In fact, I was diagnosed with depression 2 years ago and times sure have changed however my mum still clings onto the fact that I'm "sick". I'm actually not sure if mum would force me pills but she brought them and bugs me 24/7 to take them as well as getting mad that I'm wasting her money. Also, she gets all passive aggressive about it "Yeah, nothings going to make you take those pills that I brought because I cared. You're just so disobedient I've given up on trying because you're just a bad girl." I guess I can just decide to not open my mouth when pills do come, but then I'll be constantly nagged and yelled at until I do. The nagging and yelling is unbearable because it doesn't stop. However, my mum does threaten often and not actually follow through it. It's one of her tactics to make me subservient, but sometimes she's serious about it.
  7. I have told her and we've been arguing about it for so long. I've always imagined it like Pokemon where the children are more valued if they are successful (usually academically) and are beating the other Pokemon in battle. This way the trainer can brag to the other trainers "Look how great my kids are" or "My son's going to Harvard". At least I get this feeling from an Asian perspective. I'm not old enough to be free and make important decisions myself yet. If I was, I wouldn't be having all this trouble. Financially, I do not have a job and I'm not thinking about that right now. I was asking whether attempting to change my mothers mindset would even be worth it. Some people are too old and conformed to change. Please understand that using your tactics such as arguing with reason and logic is not ever going to work because 1. she's probably not going to understand 2. This sort of arguing is considered as complete disrespect to parents and it'll do nothing but get her mad. Let me explain: She does not think "studying is a virtue". She believes that too much knowledge is damaging because it makes people understand things too clearly (yes, it makes no sense) unless of course if it's school related and anything that will give "worth" into me. In fact, once I tried to tell her about philosophy but without using that word and before even explaining the concept in detail, she got mad and told me that I'm "being indoctrinated by too much knowledge". Her motto? "People should not ever know too much... as that is (morally) wrong" and "I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm still right." You can just imagine how hard it is to reason with her. I can only ever argue with simple concepts like "I don't want to take these because google told me it's actually bad" and "that doctor is bad just because". So taking all this into account, anything I can do to improve my situation?
  8. Firstly, I have to say this is very concerning because she is trying to make me take a tonne of pills (anti-depressants/anxiety, sleeping pills etc) Whenever I refuse, she will get mad and threaten to force feed me. She admitted she doesn't even know why I am depressed (and she probably doesn't care) but wants to listen to the doctors because "I care and want the best for you". So despite wanting the best for me, she accused me of being "sick" or "not normal" whenever she could to get me to take these pills. When I'm staying up, when I'm not socializing with the popular kids at school, when I'm slacking off, when I don't want to do something, when I forget something minor, when I'm clumsy… Somehow she can relate my every small flaw (some of them aren't even flaws) to how I'm not normal and need to take these pills. Anything that she does not classify as "normal" means I'm sick. My mum herself has anger issues, is very abusive, has been abused very badly and is conforming herself to the "norms". In fact, she only forced herself to give birth to me because it was what everyone else was doing. Of course, it's not surprising, that she's Asian and her culture as well as how she was raised really had an impact. I asked her "what do you classify as normal?" and she replied "A healthy happy person who only sees the sunshine and likes to have a dog walk every day and go to the gym and enjoy socializing and is popular. To enjoy studying, and study hard. To get along well with everyone and is subservient and non-questioning. A person who isn't always questioning everything and accepts things for what they are.". So basically: 1. subservient 2. Popular 3. Always happy 4. Sleep early and wake early 5. Enjoy social sports (I already do workouts every day) 6. Love the education 7. A mindless sheep Can somebody please give me suggestions on how to fix her mindset? Or a good argument that can at least stop her from making me take pills? It is my mother who is making me depressed and I don't want to be force fed drugs. Also, I don't think I'm depressed at all. I feel fine when I'm away from my dysfunctional family. I was diagnosed with depression because of them, and they're not making me feel better. I've stopped going to the therapist after a term of pleading but this hasn't changed my situation at all. She is still accusing me of being sick every day. What can I do about this? Is there any hope in changing my mother's mindset or should I just focus on trying to cope with it?
  9. In my opinion, the most leftist country I've been to would be Sweden and Finland (I've been all over the world and love traveling). I'm amazed to see someone coming from such a toxic environment ending up in Freedomain radio. When I went there, the tour guide was talking about feminism all day and people cheered and clapped when we had a woman bus driver. It felt like everybody was insane. Well, I congratulate you for being who you are.
  10. I think marriage as in an official letting-big-government-know isn't important or compulsory. What is important is having the mindset that your relationship is supposed to be life long and stable. The wedding itself doesn't do anything apart from making it official. As long as people live like husband and wife, I would say marriage isn't very important.
  11. Ohh, thanks for the explanation. No, I don't know anybody who hates their own race and that I can look up to. People who irrationally hates everybody in a specific race aren't usually the kind I look up to. Even If I did, the only way they could of climbed out of despair would be to deal with it.
  12. Although I don't have any facts to back this up, but physical attractiveness can impact on relationships. I always see ugly couples getting annoyed at each others face and eventually divorcing. Your physical attraction also boosts self confidence and your mental and emotional health so having generally negative partners isn't a good idea. I'm just afraid that my parents might introduce me to other rich Asian men and annoy me until I agree to marry them. If I don't they might think I'm a lesbian or crazy. I mean I can see that happening in the future. Yeah, western parents can also be a grudge. I'd prefer a dumb mother rather than an evil one because at least she won't be using you to her own advantage. Please tell me about more about Europeans. (are you talking about Asians living in Europe or just Europe people?) Ahhh Australians, they are dumb easygoing people. Think of Denmark, Norway, Sweden or something. More leftism, more cancer and more partying idiots/bogans. Ask me anything about Australia. What's the wheel? Sorry I don't get the reference. Yeah I have personal heroes though they don't seem to magically get me out of the despair of indoctrination camp...
  13. Nah I don't have a hero like that. I guess stefan counts? Idk, why do you ask?
  14. Self hatred is bad I know... but not if its justified! I'm not going to have children unless I'm partnered up with a Westerner. Of course I would want my children to base people off their character, and so do I. That is exactly why I hate Asians, because all of them I've encountered have been a bastard. I would never have Chinese children.. Even if I'm raising them properly they still won't look very good I probably won't value them as I would normally, which will result in poor parenting and I won't be bothered to home school them. I want to avoid that at all costs because that is how my parents feel about me. Not bothered and wishing they never had me. I hope you understand. Hmm, I thought Singapore was the opposite of freedom. Their laws are very strict and there are severe punishments if you don't obey. People are generally subservient and conforms to the government. I would guess Hong Kong or Taiwan. I never said white people cannot be trash! Actually that was the opposite of what I was saying. And yes, I would like to hear your assumptions about other people :3 Actually, it is very normal for Asians to be ashamed of being one. A good example is that you often see asian cartoons/anime depicting white people as beautiful and intelligent. Chinese ads on tv often show western women when advertising beauty products. On the other hand, people often mock westerners for being "fluffy" and "undeveloped monkeys" because monkeys are fluffy. What is wrong about my academic expectations being raised? Well I had 100% for my algebra test and my mother got mad at me. I think that says enough already and this sort of thing is quite common. Their always like "You're an Asian!, why didnt you get 100% for all the other tests and go to the best school and I won't have to pay for it and I'll be able to be a proud parent, you dumb, stupid lil s*** blah blah blah " I know china used to be a very clean country, doesn't mean we're clean now does it? Mao Zedong destroyed a few generations and now we don't wash our hands before cooking. Your spanking statistic really surprised me, I didn't know about that thank you. However I doubt it took into consideration of the severity and it's consistency. But good job for teaching me something I should know. It's weird because nearly all the white kids in my grade have not been abused at all. In fact they're mostly hippy vegan party loving sjw's. Ahh so it looks like you've had good experiences with asians. I felt like I was in prison and wanted to die too. Now I just feel like I'm in prison. I'm sorry you felt this way too. Strangling yourself would be a hopeless way to die/gain attention. I did something similar but I'm not too comfortable to share. The difference between us is Asians saved you and Asians plummeted me into darkness. Yus this did hit home, it's good we got a (very) similar story. But can you please tell me more about the "white trash" that you experienced? I don't understand why anybody wouldn't like white people as a race.
  15. Yes, this group of people I'm stuck living with for the next few years of my life isn't what I wish them to be like. I don't have high expectations for my family, I understand that I don't get to choose them and that everyone else doesn't get to either. However, this does not mean they can be like this (as explained in my previous rant). I think because I have such a heavy western influence I'm constantly comparing myself to other households and thus my expectations for life is really high. If I lived in China I would probably not be so mad about these sorts of people. Yay I love the freedom club, also I'm relatively young in here... it seems like most people here are 20-30 year old white males who are already free. And I'm just stuck in indoctrination camp everyday ranting about life here.