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S1988

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S1988 last won the day on March 18

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  1. What about loneliness felt even when not alone? One can be surrounded by others and still feel lonely, and to me, that's the worst type of loneliness. I should know because I've been there and don't want to go back.
  2. I don't have statistical evidence, but I'm a loner, and I'm still here even though I been demonized for my loner lifestyle for most of my life like it was a disease or something.
  3. I guess it depends on the child. I was raised by a totalitarian/abusive parent, and I didn't adopt a hedonistic lifestyle, basically because as an avid reader, I educated myself on the effects of drugs, and the facts scared me too much to even want to try them. While I wasn't a saint (no one is), I'm glad to say that I never did anything egregious in my life. Seriously, the worst thing I did in school was stay after for detention for being late. I've never been suspended, and I've never got involved in a bad crowd, and even with my borderline goody-two-shoes record, my mother (among other people) still found something to nitpick me for. I wasn't "pretty" enough, I'm "evil" for struggling with certain school subjects, I'm "too quiet," which was like the worst "sin" of all. Well, one of the reasons why I did keep to myself was that many of the kids were jerks and degenerates, and I didn't want to associate with those who were bullies and/or bad influences. But, instead of being praised for being basically a good kid, I was demonized for not being social enough. A teacher once asked me to stay after school to discuss my quiet behavior, and my mother got mad at me more than the bullies, especially when I struggled with standing up to them. (No duh, you can't scold a child for showing anger, then wonder why they have a hard time standing up for themselves.) She even forced me to go to prom when I didn't care to go (it was okay, by the way, but I don't think it would've made any difference that I didn't go), then she accused me of dating the guy she set me up with. (Which wasn't true, and she never apologized for it.) I think my less-than-social lifestyle protected me (and still protects me) from a lot of bad things. But, no. Instead of praising me for staying out of trouble, many adults managed to condemn peccadilloes/non-issues while others got away with worse. Maybe I am a rebel in a sense because years later, I finally got the courage to stand up to Queen Mother, something my sycophantic older siblings would probably never do. (She's a bigger bully than the ones I went to school with because at least they didn't hurt me, then pass it off as love. At least, they were honest about disliking me.) I find it sad that even though they're grown up, they allow her to control their lives, and the oldest sibling has family of his own! If that's not pathetic, I don't know what is. Sorry for the off-topic rant. I just wanted to offer a point of view to show that not all people raised in punitive environments become hedonistic. Some of us are demonized even if we have a virtually clean record.
  4. S1988

    Hello from the Midwest

    @Siegfried von Walheim It varies from city to city, just like all regions in the world. I don't know my neighbor's name since I'm not very social, but maybe there are other neighborhoods that know their neighbors' names.
  5. Are you open to seeing a therapist to talk about this?
  6. S1988

    Having a baby in December

    You're welcome.
  7. S1988

    Having a baby in December

    Here are some books I recommend: Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, Ginott's students Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
  8. S1988

    Working moms happier than stay-at-home moms?

    No, I don't know anything else about it.
  9. S1988

    Working moms happier than stay-at-home moms?

    How do you feel about a Cesarean used in an emergency situation? That was the only way my older sister could be born. I was told that when she was a baby, she was tangled in our mother's umbilical cord, and if the Cesarean wasn't carried out, she probably wouldn't be here today.
  10. Is there public transportation where you live? Perhaps, she can utilize that instead of always depending on you. After all, you're her boyfriend, not her parent. And, if she refuses to take the bus (assuming there is one nearby), let her suffer the consequences of her actions. She an adult and should act and be treated like one. Maybe you two can also get couples counseling to try to fix things between you two.
  11. S1988

    How Pretty Is S/He?

    I'm referring to beauty in general. I'm not sure why you say beauty isn't subjective. For example, some people think that obesity is unattractive while others, like some cultures in some African countries, actually encourage this with fattening huts. Girls are put in these huts to be fed a lot until they're fat enough for their potential husbands since skinniness is considered unattractive. (There are people who are protesting this practice, though, and with good reason.) It's superficial because one's pulchritude doesn't say how intelligent or how moral someone is. Someone can look like a supermodel and be very evil while another can have spectacles and braces and be one of the sweetest people on earth. I remember during my school days when I would walk down the halls and would just laugh at me and treat me like a circus sideshow just because I didn't meet the shallow standards of beauty, and I still have some insecurities from that today. Even my own mother put me down and mocked me for valuing inner beauty, and focusing on my inner beauty was something I had to learn on my own. Besides, pulchritude is ephemeral. Not only one could lose it with age, one could also lose it through an accident that results in disfigurement, so emphasizing it is rather pointless. It's sad that there isn't enough focus on inner beauty. Even kids as young as five are concerned about their looks. Kids that young shouldn't worry about attractiveness; they should just focus on being kids. It was bad enough when I was concerned about my appearance starting when I was 10/11 because people were picking on me.
  12. S1988

    How Pretty Is S/He?

    Why ask the question in the first place? Not only it's subjective, it's superficial.
  13. S1988

    My Church is Racist!!!!

    As a black person, I find what you went through was very demeaning. Besides, I want to be respected for my own merits; I don't want to demand respect from anyone or be pandered to. What they preached is insulting to people of all races. I once got some flak from SJWs who took umbrage to the fact that I want to be treated as an individual, not as a component of a "victim" group. You should find another church that's not focused on this ridiculous and offensive ideology.
  14. I would say that the approach is very irrational. While we can't choose our parents, our parents did choose to have us, and with choices come responsibilities. Why should offspring feel obligated to be with people who they never chose to be born to, especially if they were abusive or negligent? It's funny that your girlfriend's father suddenly wants to be in her life now. Where was he before when she needed him? Plus, as an adult, she doesn't have to be with him if she doesn't want to. After all, all adult relationships, even among relatives, are voluntary (and should be). However, I do believe in forgiveness of parents if they're truly repentant. His actions may be forgivable if his explanation and apology are sincere, and he's not just making excuses or has an ulterior motive. But, it's up to her to forgive (or not forgive) him since forgiveness is a personal choice, and it's even permissible for her to still not want to be with him if she chooses. I'm not sure which therapist to recommend. Perhaps you can search online.
  15. S1988

    Working moms happier than stay-at-home moms?

    I guess it depends on the mom. Though, in my experience as a child of a single working mother, I didn't have fond memories of it. She would come home and vent to my sister and I about her horrible days at work and pushed us to finish college so we wouldn't end up like her. (Of course, my sister accomplished Queen Mother's goal and is now a PhD student. I didn't, and apparently that makes me the scourge of the family. I'm a remote freelancer, which is something they don't know about since we're estranged.) I'm just one person, though. My mother would've probably been happier if she had a job she liked even though I'm not sure why she didn't bother to change jobs. What engenders happiness (or misery) varies from person to person.
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