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S1988

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S1988 last won the day on September 21

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About S1988

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  1. Gay Family Dilemma

    When you said that dysfunction was irreversible for adopted children over five, I've gotten the impression, too, that you implied that those type of children were doomed for lifelong failure. That's why I went on a slight tangent how I didn't keel over in spite of coming from a dysfunctional background. Can you please elaborate your point? Perhaps I'm missing something.
  2. They may use Legacy.com, and one doesn't need social media for that.
  3. Good vs Evil - Not a choice

    @Philociraptor You talked a lot about what makes someone a bad person, but not enough about what makes a good person. What, in your view, are qualities of a good person? I know that lack of criminality doesn't automatically mean good. Someone can have a clean record, but still do things like bully people or pretend to be someone's friend in order to carry out a hidden agenda. Those are bad things even though they're not crimes. Does doing things like saying "Please and thank you," donating to charity, or volunteering count as being a good person to you? (And I'm talking about those who have integrity while doing these activities, not those who do them just to show off.) Or is it something deeper than being saintly?
  4. Gay Family Dilemma

    I don't think I can reverse the damage, but there are others who possibly can. Besides, there are couples who want children but can't because of infertility issues. Who knows? Maybe the said couple can do a better job than a dysfunctional biological parent. There are times that I wish I was put up for adoption, provided that they didn't mind my quiet, somewhat eccentric behavior. Maybe with an adoptive family, I could've been more comfortable with myself instead feeling like something was wrong thanks to my biological family. However, that doesn't mean that one is totally powerless as a result of a dysfunctional background. Even though I had (and still have) to do it on my own, I've learned to overcome some of my insecurities by being assertive and by learning how to value myself even though I'm not part of the "norm." One of the things I did was to cut off my family, and I became a stronger person as a result. I know that hurting others or myself won't solve my problems. My life's not perfect, but I'll say things are better for me now than they were in the past. And what about kids who didn't come from a dysfunctional background, like those who had healthy, nurturing parents, but lost them in a tragic accident? What's your viewpoint on kids adopted by other family members? Even though they're not their parents, they do share some genes.
  5. Gay Family Dilemma

    But, someone has to take care of them. After all, they're up for adoption either because their parents made irresponsible decisions, and therefore, are unfit to care for them or the parents are deceased. Those kind of children can't raise themselves.
  6. Also, you imply that being married with children is all good and that being single with no children is all bad. It's not that black and white. Having a family isn't for everyone, and that's okay. There are many risks and responsibilities involved with having a family, so it's not something to be taken lightly. You can read more about my view here when I had a discussion with someone whose viewpoint kind of aligns with yours.
  7. Personality Test

    As someone who likes to keep to herself a lot, I can totally relate, and I couldn't have said it better. I've been told most of my life how being a loner was somehow harmful to me, as if they know what's best for me better than I do. It's so annoying, rude, and condescending. Yes, it is refreshing to see that choosing to be alone most of the time isn't something that should be cured. More introverts/loners need to hear this.
  8. You're also teaching your kids that it's okay to have hurtful people in their lives. I know that's not your intention, but it's the end result that matters in this situation, not the intent. Exposing them to your parents may have them end up in abusive relationships (romantic or platonic) in their adult lives. Or, it could drive them to estrange from you one day.
  9. What about your wife's parents?
  10. What proof is there of the conscience?

    What about those who threaten their victims to not tell anyone what they done to them or else? They have what I call a public personality and a private personality. To the public, they appear as a saint, but they only show their true colors in private, to the ones closest to them. If they weren't aware of their evil, why would they go through such great lengths to hide it? Because they know what they do is wrong, and they don't want to be exposed. I should know because I grew up with someone like this. Even now, acquaintances think she's a great person, but I know that's far from the truth. Thank goodness that I no longer have to keep secrets for phonies.
  11. How to Teach Your Children to Lie

    I think I see what you mean. Thanks for clarifying.
  12. How to Teach Your Children to Lie

    In other words, even if one can defend themselves, it doesn't mean it's okay to hurt them to begin with.
  13. How to Teach Your Children to Lie

    I never said adults couldn't be hurt by lies. That was Drew Davis, not me. I believe lies can hurt adults, even if they can defend themselves. Examples include slander/libel and being lured into a scam. True, they can take action to clear their name or try to get their money back, but those procedures are complete headaches. I should know because I've been hurt by lies from people I trusted, like being tricked into scams and the time when I needed help from my mother, whom I was estranged from for a while, turned me into her personal indentured servant even though she claimed to love me for who I am. I was able to get away eventually, and now I know that I can never trust her no matter how much she hoovers. Also, consider adults who can't defend themselves like many elderly people and those with special needs. Their physical/mental vulnerability makes them easy prey for those who want to take advantage of them.
  14. How to Teach Your Children to Lie

    What about lying to spare someone's feelings? Like, if a close friend of yours cooks a dish you find disgusting, but you don't want to tell them outright because you care for them. On the other hand, you don't want to tell them it's the best thing you've ever tasted because they'll make more of it and you'll dread mealtimes with them. Not sure if it's a huge lie, but you could say something such as, "That dish isn't my cup of tea," even if the dish is the worst you'll ever tasted. Another example is telling someone that everything is fine when it isn't if you have a problem, but you want to solve it yourself because you don't want them to fuss over you and give you unsolicited help.
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