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The Art of The Argument

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Fred Black Fox

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Fred Black Fox last won the day on June 3 2016

Fred Black Fox had the most liked content!

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40 Good

About Fred Black Fox

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  • Interests
    Philosophy and Psychology, Self-Knowledge, Endurance Sports, Health and Nutrition, and Natural Living.
  • Occupation
    Therapist in the Making / Self-Exploration
  1. Therapy recommendation

    Guys, I know that Stef is not aware of Coherence Therapy, but it's DA BOMB! Seriously, it's the therapy concept that is the most empirical, logical, most effective. Check it out!
  2. arguments.com - Collaborators wanted

    What's the difference to http://www.debate.org/ ?
  3. Dealing With His Mother: Overreacting Or..?

    Oh, and... He is already here. *dramatic chipmunk music*
  4. Dealing With His Mother: Overreacting Or..?

    Cool! Thank you for this pleasurable conversation. It was a lot of fun
  5. Dealing With His Mother: Overreacting Or..?

    Sounds good! I personally define "RTRing" as "Openly and curiously expressing and examining one's emotional state in the moment in order to increase self-knowledge and the quality of relationships." With RTR you can find out why emotions come up and and also if they are actually yours, like with the confusion that I thought your friend projected onto you by never admitting that he was confused (i.e. he’d unconsciously deny his confusion, pretend nothing is happening and by that confusing you). Or if your own emotions are "true" or come from your false self, like you mentioned. Simon grew up learning how to cope best with a violent and unstable environment (his family), so that is really all he ever knew. As an adult, his environment naturally shifted towards more freedom and peace, but that made him terribly anxious. Therefore he went out looking for something similar, and the ring to him literally felt familiar. Having to cope with violence directed at him makes him feel in control once more. But RTR is about much more, of course. And it’s very nice to listen to, too – Stef is a great voice actor
  6. Dealing With His Mother: Overreacting Or..?

    Oh, well, that explains why you were so emotionally invested in your friend’s issues I had not considered before the fact of the financial dependence. It is obvious that you don’t have as much free choice as you would need to act on your conscience. I believe your therapist’s advice is sound. It makes sense to not challenge if that threatens the fulfillment of more fundamental needs. When it comes to deFOOing, I have my own experience with that. One thing I would say is that you can always have conversations with her. She will always be there if you want to talk to her, and so there is no immediate need to focus on your relationship with your mother now, instead of when you are in the position that is, I would argue, necessay in order to have satisfying conversations that can give you emotional closure: A relative equality in power. Therefore, I would say there is practically no loss if you don’t engage now, if you abstain from trying to be honest with her... You can always do that later! Does that help? I am sure you have read RTR?
  7. Dealing With His Mother: Overreacting Or..?

    I’m not sure why, but I get quite confused reading your posts in this thread. I am not critizising – I just wanted to give some feedback This is interesting because normally I don’t get confused anymore. I have read other posts of you and you seem like a very intelligent and insightful guy. I would not expect that you easily get confused, in general, either. It seems, though, that your friend really does not know what to do at all. Because of that, he runs to you, asking you how to handle the situation. Well, that is a weird question because there really is no answer to it. Handle it... "with care", maybe? My sympathies go out to your friend! What you described is indeed a very troubling situation. Could it be that your friend is really confused, but has never actually said to you anything like "I am really confused" or "I don’t know what to do"? Instead of admitting that he really doesn’t know what is going on and what to do, he is pretending that there is some kind of predefined "plan of action" that he needs to know, or that "deFOOing" is a mere un-emotional thing that is like and takes as much time as moving to another town. It is anything but. It is only the sad conclusion after a long-enough battle trying to rescue a damaged relationship. In other words, could it be that he is projecting his confusion onto you?
  8. Dealing With His Mother: Overreacting Or..?

    What do you mean he came to you? What is he asking you for?
  9. How to Argue

    What makes you think the relationship with your friend was damaged because of your argument style? If you don’t mind me asking.
  10. My current Relationship

    I strongly support Eudaimonic's notion to start with yourself. The better your understanding of yourself is (i.e. the quality of your relationship with yourself), the better you will be able to understand your relationships with others. You asked if your concerns are valid. If we look at the information that you provided: Comes from a single mother: Does not mean she can’t have a successful marriage, but it will be that much more unlikely for as long as she does not work on herself (i.e. self-knowledge through therapy etc.) Had multiple sex partners: Statistically, a successful marriage becomes less likely the higher the number of previous sexual partners (The Truth About Sex) Prefers animals over humans: I don’t quite understand what you mean by that, but it makes me wonder if she would be a good mother if she might like kittens more than babies. Engaged twice and blames the men: This is, undoubtedly, a huge red flag. If she does not know what went wrong, worse yet, takes no responsibility for her part (in the failure) of the relationship, she becomes unpredictable and you could end up in the same place. Based on these points, I would certainly agree that there is reason for concern. In the absence of a gain in self-knowledge, recreation of the past becomes inevitable. Therefore, I would encourage to talk more about things related to self-knowledge, such as talking more about the past relationships and possibly her childhood, to gauge her openness towards personal growth.
  11. I dont get it.

    You are trying to take the shortcut. Which is fine, if that works for you. The wise and philosophical way of changing behaviour is to be curious and ask "I wonder why I have no friends." (or the like) You’re trying the quick-fix which is to just make yourself do stuff. You think because you are talking to people you have solved whatever problem that keeps people out of your life, yet you have not explored the actual true reason for why any problem existed in the first place. And for people like myself or OP, I can tell you, this does not work. Some people need the truth, which is hard to get by, but what we get is the greatest potential for happiness
  12. The change on the board from a year ago is tremendous! It’s very quiet in here and there is not much conversation happening. It sounds plausible to me that this negative feedback loop is in fact a contributor. I personally love most listening to older podcasts in sequence, because I love FDR for the personal freedom stuff. The amount of conversation about personal issues and the coherence within the community was tremendous back then and I would say hardly any of that is left. I do hope that the new people who yearn for the personal freedom stuff find their way to the older podcasts. They are a joy! I am hoping with you, that Stef is doing the right thing here To help prove the point, in a recent YT video the caller was saying three times or so something to the extend of "It has probably something to do with my childhood" (read: I would like to talk about my childhood) but Stef was very reluctant to go there. The call was only 30 minutes, and ended with Stef giving advice of the "Don’t do that!"-quality and saying "Listen, I got a huge mass of callers tonight..." Ususally Stef asks for feedback but here he didn’t, and I am pretty sure the call was not very satisfying for the guy. (/watch?v=WhTOEjY6EaE) That would have never happened a couple of years ago. I hope that Stef has good reasons for all of this that I just don’t understand!
  13. My cat made a video about propaganda and he let me help a bit

    Wait, did you just do the same with the facebook friend as you did with your other friend that you left a voice message for? Don’t pretend you didn’t see the unfriend coming
  14. Wow, the third caller is a MESS! Amazing! I can tell he is German and it’s sad, but the people who are only a little bit less of a complete loser than he is make up our whole higher education system... <- Okay, that’s a bit unfair. I have known many academics who are decent people.
  15. Howdy from Texas

    Congrats on stepping out of the matrix and discovering the beauty and wonder of rational philosophy! I can comfort you in the fact that philosophy is actually not part of science How did you come across FDR?

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