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Drew Davis

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Drew Davis last won the day on August 1

Drew Davis had the most liked content!

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125 Awesome!

About Drew Davis

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    http://journeyinward.net

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    Portland, Oregon
  • Occupation
    Counselor
  1. If he is not initiating force against another person, then it is not immoral. Those governments are the ones initiating force. You could argue that taxes are a bribe to keep the government from seizing your property and throwing you in jail. Tell your friend to smile, be polite, and be white! That worked for me in Asia.
  2. What is the meaning behind surreal art?

    The second one is clearly, "It's raining men" and an homage to a musical masterpiece. Edit: Just noticed a few of those are form Salvador Dali. He made paintings that he saw when he was in a hypnogogic state
  3. How to Teach Your Children to Lie

    Lying to an adult isn't abusing him or her. Adults are not sensitive or dependent on you (or the dissembler) for love, connection, and all that other things. Their world view is more developed, and have the means and faculties to challenge the lie. It would be aesthetically unpreferable, in general. Lies to protect personal boundaries are okay, I think, especially when that person would try to violate your boundaries if you tell the truth. Boundary violation would be aesthetically negative as well. Some people do not deserve or haven't earned our trust, and to share too much too quickly by being extremely honest is to violate our own personal boundaries. Second, I think that lies as jokes are okay as well. For example, when I play a table-top roleplaying game, I might take a hit of a small amount of damage and then pretend that it has knocked me unconscious. Or when a game wraps up in an organized play setting and a friend asks how it went, I told him that the entire party got killed.
  4. Unable to feel love?

    I really strongly disagree with Stef's definition of love. In my experience and perspective, I see that love in the prerequisite to virtue. Let's take children for example. Child need and deserve unconditional love, so for a parent to base his or her love for the child on whether the child is acting appropriately... that is entirely conditional love. Not only that, but we still have this need when we're adults, it's just our job to love ourselves unconditionally. I have seen people try to love themselves based on how virtuous they are, but that's conditional love and fundamentally doesn't sate the need. What I have seen is that the more people love themselves, the more inspired they are to act with virtue. I think that conditional love is appropriate for adult relationships. I would say that this appreciation that you feel for your girlfriend is an expression of love. It might not be very strong, but like, admire, appreciation, etc. are all flavors and intensities of love. I think the head-over-heels stuff is entirely inappropriate and based on fantasies and unmet psychological needs, and is completely counter to a healthy adult relationship.
  5. Reducing my emotional response when people bully me

    I had an experience the other day that was similar in nature, but not severity, to what you described. I was angry at the surface, but I was also experiencing hurt, sorrow, and fear underneath that anger. I knew that with my anger, I had to really try to explore and understand it. So, I journaled as much as I could to connect with my emotions. I leaned into the anger. I listened to what my anger was trying to tell me. That what this person had done was wrong, and also that I felt hurt. I knew that due to the intensity of my anger given the small sleight, something was amplifying my emotions. I tried to think back to when something similar happened to me as a child, because I think that I still carried that historical hurt. So, I explored that historical memory and resolved it, and the level of hurt and anger that I was experiencing dissolved. I could see things more objectively, and while I was still hurt and angry, it was much less so, a more manageable, appropriate, accurate, and fitting level. Now, I'm kind of glad that I had the experience, because I am less vulnerable to attack and I was able to provide for more of my psychological needs. I second what Shirgall said, and imaging the person as putting on a performance is not imagery that I have ever heard of before, but I quite like. I would say probably about 100% of the time (I really wanna say 99% to hedge) that when someone does this, it's never personal. It's always about them. In a way, it would be nice if it was personal, because that means that they care about us, although in a negative direction. I also agree that this senior is probably dumping their excess, uncomfortable emotions onto you, further adding to the fact that it is not personal. It's not fair, and you don't deserve it, but understanding what the other person is doing does help.
  6. Teenage Rebellion: Bad Parenting or "Just a phase?"

    Yeah, this might be more suited for peaceful parenting, but eh, whatever. Teens do go through an individuation process. They distance themselves from their primary family members, make greater associations with peers and people near to their age, they experiment, and they show a greater desire to be independent and not be aided by the parents. So, no matter how good or bad of a parent you are, you can expect this. That these baby birds are going to start trying to fly out of the nest and hunt worms for themselves. This experimentation might involve drugs, alcohol, etc. even with good parenting. There are no teens that I know of that I would consider to have really good parenting, so a lot of this is speculation and also based on developmental theories. Rebellion in my mind has to do with acting out and being angry. There is resentment in rebellion. That, fuck you, you don't know what you're talking about. I think rebellion occurs as the teens come to realize how they have been mistreated and taken advantage of by parenting engaging in poor parenting practices. I think that good parenting can help mitigate rebellion, by allowing the child to be angry at the parents, validating the emotion, and earnestly listening to what the child has to share. Individuation cannot be avoided, and is a great and wonderful thing. It is the transition into full person- and adulthood.
  7. How to Argue

    I'm not sure of any resources to offer, but I have found somethings to be particularly effective or helpful. But, first, we cannot change anyone. They change themselves, and the best we can do is offer guidance, structure, and support. So, the first thing I do is try to seek common ground. It's important that the argument does not get polarized like a political debate between republicans and democrats. The way that I like to look at it is that you want to less get into an argument/debate and have more of a discussion of ideas. You want to be trying to head toward the same goal, not trying to beat the other person's arguments or position. Another thing that I try to be aware of to stave off and circumvent is conclusions/labels that are applied to people. I try never to say something like, "You're a bad parent," and I actively try to predict and deal with those potential inferences, where I might say, "It's bad parenting. You're not a bad parent, but it's not good for the children." Something that I have found helpful is to say something along the lines of, "we all could be better (at) x." Even really awesome, peaceful parents could still be better parents. There is always room for improvement, and don't the children deserve that? Most parents do want what is best for their children, but they have bad conclusions about how to obtain it. Don't press the other too hard on a conclusion. They will either fight back or submit for the sake of getting past it, and no lasting change will occur. Finally, be aware of the emotional climate of the conversation. If emotions and tensions are escalating, the conversation is too stressful to learn anything.
  8. Question about ACE Score

    Yeah, for sure. I know that I played that role with my mother, too.
  9. Question about ACE Score

    Right. But, you don't have to have a memory of something for it to impact you. A traumatizing event alters the brain structure. Whether you remember it or not, the body does. If you're looking for a therapist, I offer my services. I'm affordable. I do try to help people improve their lives, and I do take great joy in resolving issues, so that might conflict with the "fixing" part. But, I do not see the individual as pathological. A dysfunctional person is primarily dysfunctional because they were forced to be someone besides themselves, that they were forced to grow up sooner than they should have.
  10. Question about ACE Score

    Who says that you don't have memories? Memories of that age are likely going to be flashes of images, incomprehensible and likely written off as just imagination. I know for me personally, my twin sister died next to me during the night when we were both three months old, and historically, I have always had problems falling asleep at night.
  11. Question about ACE Score

    I would say that the events that happened preverbal, prememory are even more influential because from birth to toddlerhood is a huge developmental process for children.
  12. How can I be successful, despite my Low IQ?

    I don't think that's really all that appropriate to really dive any further in a forum setting. I think that really challenging this stuff is more appropriate for therapy. A lot of people on the FDR forums do the friends-as-therapists model, and I do not quite agree with that either. We are friends with people that we are equals with. If we are broken, then our friends are going to be broken. Two broken people are going to be working on the psyche of another, which is a recipe for disaster. Alternatively, one person is not equal to the other, which means that there is an imbalance of the relationship, that there is no reciprocity. It's not a friendship. Whether you want to work with me or not, I'll offer you this. You have a lot of conclusions that are leading to this final conclusion, despair/hopelessness/whatever you want to call it. If those conclusions are accurate, then it would make sense that this final conclusion will follow. But, whether these conclusions are valid, that is another question. We, as human beings, are never really stuck (excepting terminal illness and death). We just think that we are stuck because we either cannot see or will not pursue other options. If your current strategies and beliefs aren't working, aren't leading to happiness, challenge them. Happiness is our natural state. You said that women don't date down, they only date up. That's not true. Plenty of women settle. Of course, I'm sure that you don't want to be the man a woman has to "settle" for. Men don't want to commit down, either. Of course, this all has to do with perceived value. A better man might commit to a lesser woman because he does not recognize his value, so he grabs onto someone available and clings onto it for dear life. There are a lot of factors that go into the sexual market value, or whatever ever criteria that you wish to use, that we can use to compare others. You said that your looks aren't great. Would they improve if you groomed yourself better, wore better clothes, and began working out? Absolutely. You can increase your value. Personally, I don't want a woman who is better than or less than me, I want one who is approximately my equal. If that doesn't come, I am perfectly happy being on my own (baring some more inner work that I have to do). Another thing that you can do to increase your value is to get therapy. You said that you've been working on this on your own and this is what you have. We all need help from time to time to go further. Personally, I think therapy is the thing that makes a human being more valuable because it strips them of their scar tissue so that they can be more of who they were supposed to be and not who they became due to trauma. Additionally, a woman is plenty willing to go to some shithole apartment to bang a guy on a mattress on the floor with no cover if she's into him enough. That guy might have looks, but he doesn't have money, and the woman chooses him anyway. Assertiveness and sexuality is attractive to women. Also, if you're comparing yourself to others, you're always going to be falling short. I compare myself to my past self. A dog is always going to fall short of "catness" compared to a cat. As I have said, to really challenge this stuff, I do not think that it is appropriate in a forum. Regardless, I give this freely. I hope that it is a value to you. I you would wish to work further, reach out. I would be glad to work with you.
  13. How can I be successful, despite my Low IQ?

    Ah, my bad about the test thing. Well, if that's all true, then that really does suck, for sure. I don't think that it is true--or rather, I do not think that it is the whole picture. But once again, if it is, that sucks a lot. Add: At the very least, you believe that all of this stuff is true, and that does suck because you see only three ways to play the cards your dealt when really there might be more.
  14. r/K

    Humans can operate in both r/K breeding strategies. Some organisms cannot. Caveat, definitely not an expert on this topic. In humans, r/K involves culture, beliefs, and childhood experiences (including trauma). I think that r/K in human beings is less genetic and more environmental. Nurture over nature, though certain genes do flip on to incite the r/K behavior. There is a thing called epigenetics, which is about how the environment impacts gene expression. If something changes, the breeding strategy can change as well. Also, most teens and young adults go through a rebellious, individuation process where they experiment and do dumb things, trying to find themselves.
  15. How can I be successful, despite my Low IQ?

    I like your idea of a successful career. Something that provides and doesn't feel like work. But you are so convinced that you cannot be successful because you scored low on an IQ test. This mood that you are in, I do not think it is the real you. How would a child respond if he was told he wasn't X enough? He would say, "Fuck you, I'm going to do what I want to do!" I think that is still inside of you. I think that's the perspective that you need to take. So what if you only have a hand of cards, who the fuck says that you have to follow the rules? This perspective is conclusion-oriented. You are basing your happiness/self-worth/etc on your circumstances. Circumstances change. If you're basing your happiness on having a fulfilling career? Well, does that mean that you would not be happy for the entirety of your life outside of that career? That when you were a child, you were doomed to misery? That when you retire, you are doomed to misery? That, if having a family is what you need to be happy, does that mean when you were a child, you were doomed to be unhappy? When your children move out, you are doomed to be unhappy? If you outlive your partner, you are doomed to be unhappy? That to me does not seem very stable or reliable. There has to be a better way where we can be happy throughout the entirety of our lives, regardless of our circumstances (so long as our needs are met). What test did you even take? How do you know that test is valid? You seem to be quite literate for someone who scored below average on an IQ test. Both my parents are wicked intelligent, and they're barely literate when they write. There are public sector jobs that provide a valuable service to people. It is advised that we try not to argue from effect, by from morality. In the free market, it could be better, for sure, but that does not discount the current value that we are receiving. The problem is how the services are being paid for, how they are being rendered, how there is a violent monopoly on it. If you wanted to work in hydrology (I think that's what it is, if not substitute something else appropriate), that is an incredibly valuable service, and it's pretty much all public sector. Most of health care is public sector or heavily subsidized as well. There are valuable services and procedures rendered by doctors, nurses, etc.
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