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Social anxiety show list

Social anxiety Avoidant Fear Anxiety Shy Shyness

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10 replies to this topic

#1
kalmia

kalmia
  • 255 posts
My life has been shaped largely by social anxiety and the resulting behavior habits that have resulted. I have found the podcasts on this topic useful in sorting out this problem for me, but I was thinking it might be useful for others to have a compilation list of all of these shows. I know it is a huge problem with people drawn to these ideas, and it is something that will hold back these ideas. Some may need to be cropped from larger call in shows. I think I will edit this original post with the list. Add known episodes. Include times if known of relavant conversations.
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"I believe that the truth of the matter is far more terrifying, that the real truth that dare not speak itself is that no one is in control, absolutely no one. This stuff is ruled by the equations of dynamics and chaos. There may be entities seeking control, but to seek control is to take enormous aggravation upon yourself. It's like trying to control a dream." - Terence McKenna


#2
Chiken Foot

Chiken Foot

  • 27 posts

FDR 2588 - thursday 16th jan 2014 , 3 hour 35min mark. A talk that i used to motivate me to take first step beyond the confines of my character


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#3
Kevin Beal

Kevin Beal

    :)


  • 1417 posts

Anxiety: A Conversation

Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety Part Two

Social Anxiety A Couple Convo

Social Anxiety - A Listener Convo

Dr Greg Siegle Interview - Anxiety, Depression, Autism


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"There is no law, no compulsion, no law of physics or man that is preventing you from living the life that you want" - Stef (The Greatest Gift in the Entire Universe)


#4
cherapple

cherapple

    Cheryl H


  • 434 posts

A good way to begin is to define, or redefine, social anxiety. Let's collect some quotes from these podcasts. I'll begin by paraphrasing what I've learned from them. It has been helpful for me to understand that the fear I feel may not belong to, or originate from, me. 

 

Social anxiety is a strong sensitivity to the fear that others feel, and don't want to understand that they feel, in the presence of your genuineness. When people reject their feelings, you feel them twice as strong.


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~*~*~

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live."

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


#5
Kevin Beal

Kevin Beal

    :)


  • 1417 posts

Also,

 

Shyness - A Vindication

 

To add to what Cheryl said, a great quote that has stuck with me from this podcast is:

"No she's not shy, you're off putting!" (talking about people calling Isabella "shy")

 

 

I've been considering the form my own social anxiety has taken and I'm reminded of how uncertain social situations feel to me and in the moment I don't even know how to make simple small talk, and the impulse is to castigate myself for not knowing how to handle that social situation.

 

That, to me, sounds like I've had lots of past experience with situations that seem on the face of them normal or trivial, but injected with some form of craziness. Like passive aggression or gaslighting or people who are completely unpredictable. Or maybe even a hurtful rejection from a romantic interest that caught me off guard.

 

The uncertainty is the unpredictable people in my past, and the self castigation is continuing the humiliation that I received.

 

It's one theory anyway.


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"There is no law, no compulsion, no law of physics or man that is preventing you from living the life that you want" - Stef (The Greatest Gift in the Entire Universe)


#6
Chiken Foot

Chiken Foot

  • 27 posts

i heard steff say 'anxiety is thwarted desire' , i dont know if he was reffering to a specific case in this instance but it sticks in my mind , and it doesnt even make total sense to me yet.

 

Also,

 

Shyness - A Vindication

 

To add to what Cheryl said, a great quote that has stuck with me from this podcast is:

"No she's not shy, you're off putting!" (talking about people calling Isabella "shy")

 

 

I've been considering the form my own social anxiety has taken and I'm reminded of how uncertain social situations feel to me and in the moment I don't even know how to make simple small talk, and the impulse is to castigate myself for not knowing how to handle that social situation.

 

That, to me, sounds like I've had lots of past experience with situations that seem on the face of them normal or trivial, but injected with some form of craziness. Like passive aggression or gaslighting or people who are completely unpredictable. Or maybe even a hurtful rejection from a romantic interest that caught me off guard.

 

The uncertainty is the unpredictable people in my past, and the self castigation is continuing the humiliation that I received.

 

It's one theory anyway.

 

its strange to think off each individual case of 'anxiety' as its own little flavour an form. My ex use to panic about cashier handing over change after a purchase to the point i had to meet her once to do it.

im terrible at small talk , growin up i hated it , an refused to take part in it. now i have little choice ha. i find theres people i can talk to an people i cant , or dont. few people i can let my thoughts out freely in all honesty an weirdness , and theres people i just dont talk to , that honest weird barrier just cant be crossed , and i cant do small talk so i dont avoid them. and then theres the issue of the routine 'good morning' with the people at work . some people i jus never say it too because then ill be expected to say it the next day , which feels to false if i dont even bother to talk to them. The false feeling of small talk is what paralyzes my sense of direction in interaction , jus yak washes over me.  i think its coincidence that thats also what majority of my convos with my mother are like :cool: ,  and/or , developing through my teens an first part of my twenties my social interactions were mainly alcohol and drug fueld/dependant , so my skills ranged from , silly weird idiot talk to all out soul exposing conversation , with little between.

 

also when stood talking to someone , like for at work for example , i find my self automaticly fidgeting with anything around , or light repeated kickin surfaces with my foot , i can see people pickin up on it an mirroring the anxiety. i cant just stand fully engaged in nothing but conversation. i see people talking sometimes with their faces uncomfortably close just lookin in unbroken eye contact an it just makes me laugh , why would anyone want that haaaa  :laugh:   

 

i went to a meditation class a few weeks ago , well out of my comfort zone , was goin all fine until at the end the teacher handed us bits of paper with talkin points on to disscuss , i was on my own an got paired with two elderly men , to talk about things like 'what is happyness' ha. Was so awkward but funny. false talk with crazy buddhists. i couldnt false my way along an proceeded sort of panic'd my way  to say in my loud tone 'my issue with buddhism is that i think it can make you passive towards problems in your life' , which i felt it did to me a few years back. i felt bad about sayin that , cant jus barge in undermining the parade ha. next stop , yoga class , cant get much more mega awks than that :laugh:

 

sorry blabbed on abit


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#7
Kevin Beal

Kevin Beal

    :)


  • 1417 posts

Another perspective, I think, is in looking at anxiety as inner conflict rather than as being synonymous with nervousness or fear.

 

Anxiety is paralyzing and it fits the "freeze" aspect of the fight or flight response.

 

If it were as simple as not wanting to or not knowing how to make small talk, it's doubtful that would cause anxiety. There has to be a conflict there. In my case trying to talk to eligible women my age has been known to cause me to have no idea what words mean, where to put my hands, how eye contact works or whether or not I'm standing up straight or leaning to one side like a human tower of pisa. It happens because I really want to look cool and be desirable, and because I often feel very uncertain of how to even start to do that. The idea that I should just be myself never seems to come to me until afterward! Aargh! So frustrating.


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"There is no law, no compulsion, no law of physics or man that is preventing you from living the life that you want" - Stef (The Greatest Gift in the Entire Universe)


#8
cherapple

cherapple

    Cheryl H


  • 434 posts

He may not have been talking specifically about social anxiety. But yeah, when you want something, you feel anxiety about not getting it. This could relate to social anxiety because you want to connect to people, but they make no effort – or the opposite of effort (rejection and attack) – to connect to you. 

 

i heard steff say 'anxiety is thwarted desire' , 


Another perspective, I think, is in looking at anxiety as inner conflict rather than as being synonymous with nervousness or fear.

 

Anxiety is paralyzing and it fits the "freeze" aspect of the fight or flight response.

 

If it were as simple as not wanting to or not knowing how to make small talk, it's doubtful that would cause anxiety. There has to be a conflict there. In my case trying to talk to eligible women my age has been known to cause me to have no idea what words mean, where to put my hands, how eye contact works or whether or not I'm standing up straight or leaning to one side like a human tower of pisa. It happens because I really want to look cool and be desirable, and because I often feel very uncertain of how to even start to do that. The idea that I should just be myself never seems to come to me until afterward! Aargh! So frustrating.

 

"Looking at anxiety as inner conflict" reminds me of the podcast "You are not conflicted," which brings me back to the theory that social anxiety occurs when people inflict their feelings or preferences on you, and they want you to think the problem is yours.

 

http://cdn.media.fre...icted_convo.mp3

 

(How do you embed podcasts?)

 

I'm sorry to hear that you experience your frustrations when interacting with women, Kevin. Have you considered that the anxiety you feel may be theirs, or even partly theirs? Perhaps you are meeting women who don't want you to be yourself? I can relate to having automatic-fogging responses to people and social situations. I'm understanding more lately that the type of people I'm around makes all the difference.

 

I grew up around people I did not like, so I learned to manage feelings of dislike, believing the problem was mine. Of course, that would cause "social anxiety," trying to pretend I liked people that consciously or unconsciously I didn't. Putting myself in the company of people I actually like makes all the difference! 


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~*~*~

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live."

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


#9
Kevin Beal

Kevin Beal

    :)


  • 1417 posts

http://cdn.media.fre...icted_convo.mp3

 

(How do you embed podcasts?)

If you just paste the url, and don't make it a link, it'll work. Like so:

http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1596_you_are_not_conflicted_convo.mp3

 

I'm sorry to hear that you experience your frustrations when interacting with women, Kevin. Have you considered that the anxiety you feel may be theirs, or even partly theirs? Perhaps you are meeting women who don't want you to be yourself? I can relate to having automatic-fogging responses to people and social situations. I'm understanding more lately that the type of people I'm around makes all the difference.

I grew up around people I did not like, so I learned to manage feelings of dislike, believing the problem was mine. Of course, that would cause "social anxiety," trying to pretend I liked people that consciously or unconsciously I didn't. Putting myself in the company of people I actually like makes all the difference!

Thank you, and it is very frustrating. Super frustrating :(

 

I have considered it but didn't have any idea how I could confirm it. But if it's not just me with that conclusion, then I think that you are right about it belonging in part to them. If only because it doesn't always happen (speaking empirically).

 

And simply imagining a situation where a gal doesn't want me to be myself but still wants to flirt or whatever, that has a very different feeling quality than imagining meeting a gal who just wants me to be myself, yay! :)

 

And thanks for linking the podcast. I relistened to the Shyness one after I posted (which has a similar theme), and it's easy for me to forget this perspective. I'm inclined to think that if I have a conflict, it's my own that I'm responsible for, while equivocating between both meanings of the word "responsible". That I'm in a position where I need to do something about it (e.x. leave) and that I've somehow caused it to be a problem.

 

I'm left wondering how much of the anxiety I've felt is in response to a projection or to the present situation. To an internalized female figure or as an accurate reading of the other person. I think that if I were in the moment and had the sense to ask myself that question, I could figure it out by how connected I am in general apart from the anxious situation. By default, I just assume it's my own projections, when I think about it afterward (even if nothing seems to fit that way).

 

I had a dream the other night after thinking about this topic about being drugged by a woman and waking up in a strange room. I go to lock the door to keep her out, but then realize she's in the room hiding (where, I don't know), watching me and I'm terrified. Which is kinda weird since I'm a large man and can protect myself. I have the strange feeling that she's a big part of my life...


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"There is no law, no compulsion, no law of physics or man that is preventing you from living the life that you want" - Stef (The Greatest Gift in the Entire Universe)


#10
Adrienne

Adrienne

  • 31 posts

I just wanted to say thank you, Kevin for posting those links and everyone else too. Outstanding stuff. Worth multiple listenings. 


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#11
cynicist

cynicist

  • 403 posts

I'm pretty sure I've heard Stefan say in one podcast that social anxiety is partly related to self-trust, specifically confidence in your ability judge other people accurately, as well as trusting that your emotions are valid. In that vein, here are a few that I found helpful in regards to social anxiety that weren't mentioned above.

 

FDR349 You Are Not Broken

 

FDR478 Freedom From Others

 

 

FDR663 Unlearning

 

 

FDR666 Be Nice! Part 2: Freedom From Others

 

 

FDR678 Everything You Do Is...

 

 

 


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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Social anxiety, Avoidant, Fear, Anxiety, Shy, Shyness

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