As many have said, you have to separate restitution from revenge, which the OP lumped together.
There are three separate things that can involve force, aside from flat out initiation thereof;
Retaliation/revenge, restitution, and self defence.
Only one of which actually REQUIRES force to be the method chosen by the actor. Restitution can be accomplished with out force, but that does not mean force, and so can self defence, in as far as simply removing yourself from the threatening situation.
Self defence only requires force when the attacker prevents you from walking away, or pursues you and catches you, and the attempts to prevent you from leaving. Self defence is only that which is necessary to stop the harm from being done to you. If that can be accomplished without you using force, then that is what is best. Whether or not that can be done is entirely up to the actions of the attacker. It is up to them whether or not you are required to use force against them to maintain control of your own body.
Similarly, it could be argued about restitution, being about maintaining control of your property. If you approach someone about restitution, you are attempting to maintain/regain control of your property, an extension of your control of your body, and if they try to use force to prevent you from, then I would argue that force can be used to regain your control.
Retaliation MUST involve force. It is about doing the same harm to the perpetrator as was done to the victim. There can be no voluntary option here. The perpetrator cannot simply let you have your property back, or your body back. The nature of retaliation is entirely in the enacting of force by one against another.
At least this is how I see the difference between defence and retaliation.
If anyone has ever studied Judo, you might get a better understanding. Spawning from Jujitsu, it is based largely around the idea of push and pull. That is, if someone pushes you, you don't push back (retaliation,) you pull. You step out of the way, using their momentum against them. With the exception of in training, where in it is a wilful engagement of both parties, there is no need to initiate anything. Rather, it is entirely about reacting to what the aggressor does, to the minimum required to prevent harm to yourself. It is a truly beautiful thing in this regards.
That's not to say there are not things thought with regards to actually initiating something, if only for the sake of allowing one to train with another who is using the same principles. Otherwise it would ust be two people standing next to each other, lol. Also, there are submission holds taught, which can be justified in situations where the aggressor simply will not stop. Restraining them, or moving out of the way of their attack/using their attack against them may not be enough to remove your self from their threat.
Aikido is a similar martial art, in which the focus is using the aggressor's force against them, rather than using your own force against them. Though Aikido essentially needs to be mastered to have any practical application as self defence. But when it is mastered, holey f***, watch out.
Any who, Sorry about the tangent, just some interesting thoughts. For anyone interested in self defence, I cannot recommend Judo enough. It may look aggressive in practice, and there certainly is aggression, but all voluntary, and also, only for the purpose of allowing for real world esque training experience. Actually, that's another good thing about it, unlike many other martial arts, or at least many moves with martial arts, which cannot be practised with a partner at full force, do to potential injury, as my dad likes to say, practising how to NOT hit (in it's own, a good principle mind you, lol) Judo can be trained with full "force" thus allowing for proper training, without worrying about serious injury to either party. Nice, due to the nature of the art being focused on simply stopping an aggressor, rather than causing injury.
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