Freedomain Radio

I've been listening to  FDR for over a year now. Everything I've heard and read here has been enlightening, enjoyable, and a great deal of help to me, personally. I've learned how massive the impact an abusive FOO can have on the mind of a child can be, and have a great amount of respect for those who manage to become wonderful individuals despite what they went through. Although I certainly find those conversations helpful in many ways, I've been having trouble reconciling my experiences with those of many FDR listeners.

I dealt with a great deal of psychological issues as I grew up. As a child, I had trouble making friends and connecting with other children. Although many people thought I was just very shy, it seemed to be less an issue of anxiety and more that I found conversations and activities with other kids awkward and uninteresting, like I just couldn't relate. People saw me as an oddball from the time I entered school until the time I graduated. Despite loving to learn, I never liked the academic side of school, and read, drew, and daydreamed when I wasn't feigning interest. I could never pay attention, and got by on the bare minimum.

I had my first major psychological episode at age 14, when I was struck with debilitating hypochondria, agoraphobia, and panic attacks, the first one triggered when I was afraid I had broken something in my brain when my dad drove over a bump in the road. I dealt with this for a few years on and off while in therapy, and they have since tapered off, leaving mostly very infrequent stints of anxiety. Another thing I've been dealing with for the past couple years has been depression, which has worsened in the past several months since an incident when some shit went down for me and I dropped out of school before the end of the first quarter. Since, most of my time has been spent trying to heal myself. I've been attending therapy, but things never seemed to go deep enough (or something). I just moved and need to look for a new therapist, hopefully with more luck.

One thing that I've been wondering about for a long time is what the cause of these issues can be. After finding FDR, I, of course, examined my relationship with my family...and to no avail. I love them, I have a good relationship with them, I see evidence of none of the emotional abuse, and certainly none of the physical abuse, that I've heard about from some listeners at FDR. I'm very happy when I'm around them, and I was raised in a very loving, honest, and supportive environment.

I was just wondering what other peoples' thoughts are regarding the situation. Are certain issues caused by something other than environment? Am I missing something when it comes to my FOO? I'm so curious! Or...well, I just want to know what the cause of these things could be. I want to learn about myself, and heal myself, and this seems like a crucial step.

Hi there, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. I admire your courage and tenacity in your efforts to learn about yourself and I truly hope you will be able to find the answers you need in order to "heal yourself" as you so aptly put it. As the saying goes, you've come to the right place.

As to your questions, I am not sure how to answer them. If I was able to I would do so gladly.

All the best to you.

Just as a question, have you ever taken and IQ test? If soWhat was the score.

Thank you so much for the kind words, Michael. I definitely believe that the people here can help me. This is such a great community with a lot of great people.

I haven't taken an IQ test. I'd probably just get kinda irked if it wasn't what I expected it to be, and I've decided that I just kinda...don't wanna know. Haha.

therealritasue:

I have a good relationship with them... I'm very happy when I'm around them, and I was raised in a very loving, honest, and supportive environment.

Can you offer some examples of what you mean by these things?

Thanks!

I'm sorry you have had to deal with those experiences.  I find what you say interesting because I have never heard of anyone who has experienced such painful experiences, but their family relationships were happy and healthy.  I think it would be interesting and useful to you if you had a talk with Stef...chime in on the Sunday show.

GregG:

therealritasue:

I have a good relationship with them... I'm very happy when I'm around them, and I was raised in a very loving, honest, and supportive environment.

Can you offer some examples of what you mean by these things?

Thanks!

 

As for early childhood, I can only remember so much. My parents were never physically abusive, and it was very rare that they would ever raise their voices. I don't remember any passive aggressiveness, either. They were always honest with me, and were open to hearing whatever I had to say, as well. If I took an interest in something, they were always supportive of me.

I remember sometimes visiting or talking to other children, and I would think that the way they interacted with their parents was...strange. I remember seeing how some other parents scolded their kids, and thinking, "Holy CRAP!" I would think that certain rules or beliefs that they had were just...silly. I remember being in a car with another girl, and she started telling me about this song that she sang at church, and I told her that hadn't heard it before. She was just dumbfounded. I was even more dumbfounded that she was so dumbfounded! I remember feeling lucky that my parents didn't do things I thought were "silly" or "mean".

I also can't remember a time when I couldn't speak up when I thought they did or said something wrong. We could always sit and talk about it rationally. When I was really young, I felt like they were the only ones I could really have conversations with. When I talked to other kids, I always had to make an effort not to be "weird", or I would get "the look". You know the one. I didn't have to do that with them. I could say things, and do what I liked to do, and it was fine.

Shack:

I'm sorry you have had to deal with those experiences.  I find what you say interesting because I have never heard of anyone who has experienced such painful experiences, but their family relationships were happy and healthy.  I think it would be interesting and useful to you if you had a talk with Stef...chime in on the Sunday show.

I haven't either, which is one of the reasons I'm posting. I'm just very curious. I just might do that.

therealritasue:

I haven't taken an IQ test. I'd probably just get kinda irked if it wasn't what I expected it to be, and I've decided that I just kinda...don't wanna know. Haha.

Well the reason I ask is that high IQ is one of the most reliable indicators of autism. High functioning forms mainly effect ability to read and process emotion. It's not a diagnosis, but perhaps something you should ask about when you find another therapist.

I'll definitely bring that up when I start seeing a therapist again, thanks.

I wasn't able to call in to the Sunday show, but I'd still like to get peoples' feedback on this if possible while I'm working on finding my next therapist. I certainly value the opinions of everyone here.