/* Style Definitions */
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
I am interested in hearing some of your thoughts on
an ethical dilemma I'm confronted with. Feedback on my situation would be much appreated.
My dad abandoned me when I was an infant. He was 31 and
my mom was 29 at the time. They both worked for the
government and that's also where they met. Two years ago my boyfriend helped me find
him thru the internet. The attempt to reconnect was successful, but perhaps worse than
fruitless. He came to meet me twice since I contacted him, and after the seconded
visit I decided it was in by best interest to no longer communicate with him.
The only think close to comunication between the two of us, uptill recelntly, was once when I was a kid the police informed my mom, that he had
been arrested for pushing his then current girlfriend out of a car. My mom then
informed me, I was five at the time. She reaffirmed her young daugter that despite the news of
his violence and complete absence, my dad loved me. When I asked how he
could love me and raise someone else’s kids while refusing his own kid child
support she looked stunned. It was if she had never thought it. Without being
able to put it into words I knew that she said this with complete disregard of
the concept of love.
In first hand experinces with him certain things he would say really freaked me out. For
instance, he apparently moved in with his girlfriend (the one he threw of a
car) after their second date! And she had kids!! When I told him that meant she
had low self esteem. He didn’t seem to see how I drew that conclusion. Although
my recent interactions with him were limited, based on his ability to keep a
steady alcohol buzz for the duration of his visits, combined with the fact that
he never apologized for his neglect correctly
I feel I made an accurate judgment of his character .
He would often say that he wished he hasn’t done what he
did. He wishes he didn’t leave. Why? Because he wishes he had a family now? If
he had really changed, if he was really moral person he would be grateful for
the way the past happened. He would be glad that I was not raised by a violent drunk.
Instead he feels bad, only because he realizes his life is worse off.
I never explained to him why I will not talk to him, and although
it would make me feel better he wouldn’t understand if I did. The decision I
made to stop communication was done to avoid further hurt by him. Although I
won’t deny the fact that he is suffering from my rejection is a subsequent
bonus. My mom thinks there are better ways to dealing with the situation. She
has said that I’m doing to him is not fair. Her reasoning being because I am
the one who contacted him I supposedly owe him more than two visits. I am
confident enough in my judgment to know that is not a good idea but maybe there
are better ways. Okay, so what are my my alternatives? I won’t continue to have
a relationship him just because not doing so hurts him. To sacrifice of my
emotional wellbeing to a man that I consider.. immoral would inflicting self harm.
Since I found my dad him and my mom have kept in fairly
close contact. He lives pretty far so their communication is, for the most part,
limited to a phone call at the end of the day. But, since I live with my mom I get to hear about him all the time. I recognize that the two of them have a
relationship that is largely based on the immediate relief they feel from
talking about their work related issues. It makes them feel better I guess. But
it is upseting.
My mom has often tryed to get me to talk to him. I think she
does this because she is trying to make him feel better, trying to do him some
kind of favor. I have explained to her why no communication is going to happen.
But she tends to tune me out and remind me of the “virtue” of forgiveness. I
have told her that contact with him would be detrimental to my sanity. If she
continues to push the issue, it will get harder to ignore the fact that she is
putting his preferences and wellbeing over mine.
The problem is
It may seem trivial but he sent me a birthday
present and I don’t know if I shouldn’t send it back.
would cost money to return the package. But does that make it a sacrifice? When
I received the package I was completely sure returning it was the right thing
to do. But because sending it back would cost money and seemingly serve no
other purpose but to hurt him I am not so sure anymore. However, the alterative
of accepting it would make him feel good and I don’t want to do that ether.
I watched a podcast that Sefen did where he made, what I
considered to be a good case, for taking government money/services.
Taxation is theft.
Theft is violation of property rights.
Receiving what has been stolen from you is just
The government violates individual property
rights in the form of taxation.
∴ Receiving what the government returns to the
individual is just.
Would I be right in applying the same kind of reasoning to
my personal situation?
Child abandonment robs the
child of potential and leads to an increased probability of criminal activity,
drug use, and teen pregnancy.
If anyone else could take a stab at that rationalization
it would be really helpful.