Freedomain Radio

I spend alot of my time devoted to economic, political, and social problems.  Probably 60-70% of my thoughts could be attributed to this.  When I finally stop thinking about these problems, I realise that my own life is empty.  It's like I'm missing my own life to concentrate on other lives.  Could it be possible that I spend most of my free time concentrating on the actions of other men, far far away, because I have no one close to concentrate on?  Or, alternatively, could it be that I spend this time avoiding concentrating on myself?  

Additionally, one of my heroes, Stefan Molyneux has alot of material devoted to discovering the inner self.  While I've listened to thousands of hours of his podcasts dealing with the state, I am very uncomfortable listening to podcasts dealing with the self, or his conversations with other people dealing with these issues.  the last time I tried therapy and MEcosystem discussions, I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

I met with a girl that I was convinced that I was love with back in 2007, and while it's been years since I had saw her, I instantly was brought back to 07.  It's like the intervening years, the relationships, my experiences never happened. I was completely entranced by her.  And I have no idea why.  She has no qualities that I would think of from what I can tell, but from the first time I saw her it was as though she had me wrapped around my little finger.  

I was kicked out of my father's house for seeing this girl, although we never dated.  I swore that I would never return.  But here I am, only three and a half years later, in my old bedroom.  And this is not a place that I belong.  I belong far away from this dreadful city, but I honestly can't say that there is a single place on this planet that I belong.  I'm an outsider, and I don't want to be.  At this point, I wish I had taken the blue pill, but that was never an option for me.  I have always found this world to be bent, from my oldest memories.  but it is taxing on me.  It's like I can't switch off to concentrate on myself.  And, the moment I do, I feel guilty about it, or resentful, or aggrivated, etc. 

I've felt similar to what you're going through in the past. If you'd ever like to meet for coffee sometime and chat I'd be glad to.

Ⓐ:

I was kicked out of my father's house for seeing this girl, although we never dated.  I swore that I would never return.  But here I am, only three and a half years later, in my old bedroom.  And this is not a place that I belong.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I swore I'd never retrun to my parent's house after they kicked me out for getting a tattoo, and I never did return to live with them but I fell into a depression in college and ended up returning to live with my brother in his apartment while accepting financial assistance from time to time from my parents. I feel fortunate I never experienced what you're experiencing.

I hope things get better for you.

Ⓐ:

 

Or, alternatively, could it be that I spend this time avoiding concentrating on myself?  

I am very uncomfortable listening to podcasts dealing with the self, or his conversations with other people dealing with these issues.  the last time I tried therapy and MEcosystem discussions, I nearly had a nervous breakdown. 

 

Perhaps you have answered your own questions here.

A lot of people on this site and everywhere else tend to focus on economic, political and social problems as a "proxy" or stand-in for their own personal problems. That you recognized this is totally awesome, because I don't think many people even come close...

Without a doubt, the personal stuff we have on FDR can be very explosive, like bungee jumping naked off the Eiffel Tower. I don't blame you. Take it at a gentle pace, or whatever you're comfortable with... :)

It looks like you are already beginning to reflect on yourself... Kudos :)

Well guys, here is an update, for May :)

The girl I was talking about in that first post, Mandi, is at best a friend now, at worst an annoyance.  it just depends on the day.  

I started seeing my current girlfriend, Alicia,  on April 4, and as of Tuesday we are engaged.  I know, it's super fast, but it feels right, and I'm going with that. She is the greatest person I have ever had the opportunity to be close with!  She's turning into quite the fan of Stef, Rand, and others.

As far as my father goes, I have forgiven him about Mandi, although I still cannot trust him, and probably never could.

Alicia and I are going to Porcfest, and I hope to meet you all there. 

About self examination and political issues:  I still primarily have political issues, but I'm not feeling the doubt that I was about myself in March.  I still haven't done much in the way of self examination, but I think I may start soon.  Over the past few weeks, I haven't had time to do any writing, reading, or listen to podcasts, but It should slow up.  I will update as much as I can :)

About the wedding:  Any state/church free ideas?  I'm planning on doing something small, I don't care if my family is there or not, but I want it to be nice for Alicia.

Whoa whoa whoa, you've known each other for one month and you're getting married?

Hajnal:

Whoa whoa whoa, you've known each other for one month and you're getting married?

No, no.  We started seeing each other, or dating each other, in April.  We've known each other longer than that.

ChⒶotic NeutrⒶl :

Hajnal:

Whoa whoa whoa, you've known each other for one month and you're getting married?

 

No, no.  We started seeing each other, or dating each other, in April.  We've known each other longer than that.

Oh, OK, my apologies for misunderstanding. You mean you've known her since before April 4th and just decided to start dating then?

It's always been my view that people should know each other for at least a few years before getting married.

Haj: In my previous post I was misleading.  I had only talked to her on the internet before April 4th. 

I found out that I have a son now. He was born in May, and his name is Connor.  I don't know what to do now.

C.G.Purbaugh:

I found out that I have a son now. He was born in May, and his name is Connor.  I don't know what to do now.

This will sound harsh. It may sting. But philosophy is about prevention, not putting out fires. Now a life is on your hands, and what you choose to do with it will change both his and your life forever. My gut tells me that it is unlikely that everyone in this situation can or will be saved. The unplanned birth, the lack of self-knowledge... These are deadly, like fire and gasoline. That's all I can think.

Well, I thought of more.

I guess I don't know the details here. I don't know how the woman you were with (I don't know which one) got pregnant so to speak; this has obviously been hidden from you for quite a while. Maybe she secretly stopped taking the pill, or maybe you and she were irresponsible. So the level of responsibility you have might be variable.

The pragmatic stuff... This is all just my opinion on steering through this extreme situation, and how I would go about it. Adoption might be the best route -- finding a very GOOD set of parents who would take care of Connor. Don't let him stay with any evil b*tch or bastard, including any in your life currently.

I say adoption, because I don't think you'd make a good parent with the level of self-knowledge that you have; and this isn't a zing, as I don't think I would make a good parent either.

Someone who has been on the FDR boards for some time (and making valuable and vulnerable contributions) has access to all sorts of parenting tools, information and principles that the vast majority of people will lack. I think putting a child up for adoption would be a last resort. I think it is very likely that you will be an excellent parent. The “compared to what?” concept comes to mind. I was an "unconscious" parent and never questioned my suitability (lack thereof) until relatively recently. If my wife had not become pregnant we would have almost certainly adopted a child. Parents who want to adopt may (may) be attempting to meet their own needs to act out on a child, burying such unconscious desires in (religious?) altruism. I think the risk is significant. 

Well, so far I haven't been able to see Connor.  I wanted to go see him, but the mother would not let me. I am going to have to find an attorney...

C.G.Purbaugh:

Well, so far I haven't been able to see Connor.  I wanted to go see him, but the mother would not let me. I am going to have to find an attorney...

This makes me angry. I get struck with the thought that she only told you so she could then have satisfaction in denying you access to him and that pisses me off.