Hello everyone,
I am excited to be making my first post since I have gotten such value from FDR. My name is Emily, and I am a music education major at Temple University in Philadelphia. RTR was my first experience with FDR, and it changed my life. I heard about the book through a friend's facebook status which read "Cory is discovering the logic of love!", and after a google search, I stumbled upon Stef's intro video for RTR and was hooked immediately. I read the book as I was getting to know two of my best friends Cory Anderson and Phil Crimmins, both FDR members. Although they have known each other for years, my relationship with each of them really grew out of a mutual commitment to honesty. Since I had finally discovered true joy and love in relationships which I had been searching for all my life, I was highly motivated to delve deeper into the world of philosophy and to learn more because learning what was true, even though extremely difficult, became the only way I could imagine living.
After discovering the truth that adult relationships are voluntary, I began to see the true nature of my relationship with my parents. It was manipulative and painful, and I had been completely blind to it. I began to understand emotionally for the first time just how corrupt my relationship with my parents was as I was getting to know Phil. I told him about a time in 8th grade that I had wanted to kill myself, and he expressed genuine sadness and anger over what I had gone through. I had never experienced that level of empathy before, and much to my surprise, the sadness and anger I had felt in 8th grade came flooding back to me, and some part of me knew, that this time, there was something I could do about my situation. Although I had approached my mother before about the state of our relationship, I opened dialogue once again, this time with an understanding of RTR, and the understanding that there was nothing binding me to the relationship. Many painful conversations, cruel emails, and a joint therapy session later, I understood intellectually that my parents will not change. The emotional understanding came when my new friend Greg reminded me that I didn't have to defoo if I didn't want to. That was when I realized that I really did not want to be in the relationship with my parents. When school ended four days ago, I decided not to go home, and also requested that my parents not contact me. I have been flooded with a million emotions at once over the past few days. I am extremely excited and happy to finally be free, and at the same time, I am struggling to believe that I really can live independently. And sometimes I even miss the parents I never had.
The search for truth here at FDR really is changing the world. I know because since I defooed, I can feel the difference in my world, which is freedom.
I look forward to becoming involved on the boards and getting to know you!
Emily 