Freedomain Radio

After a series of emotional events, conversations, and realizations, I decided to take a break from my parents. The foo. The defoo. It is amazing how the mind, once introduced to the ideas of values, virtue, truth, integrity, and freedom...will not let you forget them. I have been living in various states of confusion and dissociation over the past month. I grew up with insufficient emotional support, and I have been slowly realizing just how damaging that has been to my emotional development. I realized this with the help of my incredible friends here in Philadelphia, with the help of my friends that I have met here at FDR, and with an enormous amount of help from Stef through his books and podcasts. I cannot fully express here just how grateful I am for everyone's support and encouragement through this extremely difficult and painful time in my life. You have all helped me realize how terrifying it is for me to open up about how I truly feel, in real-time. Right when I thought I was getting to be alright at this whole honesty thing, my entire childhood emotional experience backfired. I was always afraid to be open with my family members and teachers growing up, and unfortunately that fear has transferred into my adult life. Now that I have started to recognize this fear more fully, I am beginning to overcome it. It is very scary and painful, but necessary. I long for honesty, openness, and curiosity in my relationships, but I can only achieve that if I have it with my self.

I tried to open up to my father yesterday, and opening up to him about how I really felt was an extremely terrifying experience for me. Today I realized just how big of a problem this has become. I decided that I could no longer pretend that my relationship with my foo is healthy, so I told my father that I would contact them in the future when I am ready. I have recently started therapy sessions, and I am simultaneously excited and terrified about working through this. The realm of consistently expressing my emotions openly and honestly is new territory for me. I grew up supressing so many of them. I am not sure what else to say right now, except that writing this has made me feel really sad. So many thoughts and emotions going through my mind...

I am so sorry to hear about this, it is a very terrible and sad step to have to take, my deepest sympathies as always, please let me know if there is anything I can do...

Wow, I'm sorry to hear you've had to go through this, but well done. I really hope therapy helps you out during all this.

Hey Cory,
I'm so sorry to hear about the experience with your father. You have done an incredibly brave and corageous thing and paved a new future not only for yourself but for all those that follow you.

Cory,

My heart goes out to you my friend. Mega-kudos for your intrepid bravery... if there is anything I can do please don't hesitate to ask.

Dave

Thank you for your courage my friend. We've talked about this a number of times, but I cannot reiterate enough how much admire your unwillingness to accept corrupt people in your life and your committment to honesty. Its a horrible thing, of course, but I believe you have made the right decision. I love you man!

Cory I'm sorry that you're having to go through this, but I really admire your dedication to your own happiness and honesty. Keep us posted about how your therapy goes and about how you're dealing with this process, and let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

Cory, deepest sympathies for what you must be feeling.  How was your day today, if you don't mind sharing? 

Thank you everyone for your encouraging words and support. It fills me with joy to know that a community such as this exists, and I am honored to be a part of it.

MarisaO:

Cory, deepest sympathies for what you must be feeling.  How was your day today, if you don't mind sharing? 

I wrote a blog post with my thoughts and feelings a few hours ago: http://coryanderson.wordpress.com/2009/04/01/brrrrreak/

And about an hour after I wrote that, I had an emotional turnaround. The turnaround happened when I started thinking about my friends, my real friends, and how they are a lot more real to me now than ever before. I appreciate them about a million times more than I did before yesterday. I am also appreciating this community a whole lot more. Most importantly, I am appreciating myself a lot more. I feel a lot more responsible for myself, and I feel a lot more in control of myself. This feeling could not have been explained to me before. The value of my existing relationships is SO much greater now, and that is making all the difference.

Thank you everyone!

- Cory

Cory,

I'm so sorry about how you must be feeling.. It sounds positively wretched. But I think at the end this is all going to be worth it, and you will walk out a happy man, satisfied with your relationships. I hope that's a sentiment that helps pull you through all of this...I hope you feel resolved and better soon.

best of luck...