Freedomain Radio

My mother rang my phone yesterday afternoon at 2pm--right in the middle of the workday. I let her go to voicemail. The last time she called (2 weeks ago), I just deleted it outright. This time, however, I was more curious, so I listened.

She was "concerned" that I hadn't called her back or responded to the email she had sent, but she sounded far more angry than concerned.

Listening to that v-mail kind of set me back a bit... as I should expect.

And yes... changing my phone number is something I could just do... but do I bother sending her an email? I can kind of predict what will happen if I do, even if it's something like, "I need some time away from family."

I find it simultaneously amusing and contemptible that she is getting angry about this, however; she left me with a violent, mystical man and I didn't hear from her for weeks at a time, sometimes months, and she's getting upset because, after four months of not being in contact, I don't return her phone calls right away?

I'll try to remember to change my phone number tonight. Can somebody remind me around 7:00pm EDT? Just send me a PM or email me (or IM me if you've got that).

Will do, if it's Sprint, changing it is free, fast and easy.  I did it and I'm so happy I did.

The problem is they still know where I live, 45 mins away but in the same city. Ugh, I wanna get out of here.

I went to the Verizon store to check it out a week or two ago last Saturday. I know it wasn't this past Saturday, but I barely remember... anyway, the guy gave me some phone numbers and I didn't call it right away because I was in the middle of interviewing and all that business and didn't want to change it right then.

Anyway, Verizon's is also fast, free, and easy--even changing the market from NJ to NH (as I'll be doing) won't cost me anything.

Well, as far as everything else goes if you don't want to talk to them anymore I'd probably send that e-mail letting them know you want a break and ask that they respect your wishes by not contacting you.

bump don't forget

I remembered at quarter of 7! 

It's done, and it was really fast and easy. 
 

Hurray for freedom!

 

Nathan:

Well, as far as everything else goes if you don't want to talk to them anymore I'd probably send that e-mail letting them know you want a break and ask that they respect your wishes by not contacting you.

They have to find me, first. 

Here is the perfect phone service for deFOOers...  GrandCentral

Best feature: block callers

I wish I'd had this when I changed my number.  (My sister-in-law ended up finding my new one, and gave it to my mother.)

So before you start handing out your new number, James, get a GrandCentral number, and hand that out instead.

Rod,

In reading the 1,958 postings you posted to this website as well as viewing Stefan Molyneux’s videos on www.youtube.com I am still struggling to understand why you have cut off communication with your family.  You have a family who cares about you and loves you very much.  Yes, they might not understand your views on life.  However, isn’t everybody entitled to their own point of view.  You have your beliefs and I have mine.  Does this mean if I do not believe what you do that we cannot have a relationship?  Can you please help me understand all of this?

Kari      

 

Hi Kari, it's Stef - I am very sorry about all that has happened to your family. Perhaps I can help you.

Can you tell us what you mean by the word "love"?

Thanks! 

Stefan,

As you know there are many different definitions of love.  According to Wikipedia “It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love.  Expressions of love may include the love for a "soul" or mind, the love of laws and organizations, love for a body, love for nature, love of food, love of money, love for learning, love of power, love of fame, love for the respect of others, etcetera. Different people place varying degrees of importance on the kinds of love they receive.  According to philosophers, the only goal of life is to be happy. And there is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved. Love is essentially an abstract concept, much easier to experience than to explain.” 

I want to describe Rod’s family to you so you better understand the big picture here.  Rod’s parents are both in their mid 70’s and in the last year have semi-retired.  They both live in small rural communities in Minnesota and live very simple lives.  Rod’s father was a carpenter for many years and in the last year retired as physically his body could not keep up anymore.  He lives on a small hobby farm and enjoys working on projects around the house (he recently added a sunroom onto their house), attends church with his wife on Sundays and enjoys going to auction sales on the weekends.  Rod’s mother and her husband are retired dairy farmers.  However, his mother started working for the county surveying farmers in the last year to help pay the bills now that they are retired.  She is a secretary for the church and volunteers for several organizations in the community.  Rod’s brother (my husband) is a very simple man, much like his father.  He works very hard, loves spending time with the kids and when he can enjoys spending time out in his shop with his Uncle working on cars or misc. projects.  I have three boys (who are the world to me), work full time for a large software company and spend my evening and weekends attending basketball, soccer, football and baseball games (depending on the season).  Rod also has a grandmother who also is getting older has such a positive outlook on life.  She is so alive and full of energy.  The reason I tell you all of this is I want you to understand who is family is and understand the life that they live.  They are not rich.  They live very simple lives.  They have always been there to support Rod.  When Rod moved away to attend college they tried to always stay in contact through phone calls, mail and eventually email.  When Rod struggled financially they gave him money (money which they did not have) to help him and did not ask when the money would be repaid.  They have always bragged about Rod and what he has achieved thus far in life to their friends and family.  Rod has always been frustrated by the fact that when he called his parents they did not have deep conversations rather they would discuss what had been happening in his life, talk about the weather and what they had been up to in the last week.  Based on their age and where they live his parents are not individuals who would sit down and debate Martial Law in Pakistan.  However, what Rod did not see is when he would call and start talking about the government or other topics then his mother would sit down at the table with a pen and paper taking notes while she listed to Rod.  She would then take the notes and review them after their conversation so she could really understand what he was saying.  Both of his parents are so proud of Rod.  So last year when Rod decided to just got off communication (emails, voicemails, visits) with the family without explaining why I hope you can understand how confused and hurt everybody is.  Yet, if Rod were to talk through the doors tomorrow they would welcome him with open arms and love him like nothing had every happened.  It is called unconditional love and is something that you understand on a whole new level once you become a parent.  Stefan, if the tag line of FDR is "the logic of personal and political freedom" and to "get it" you really have to focus on yourself first then what part does family play in this picture?  I would like to better understand how having a relationship with your family inhibits this freedom?

Kari

Thanks, I appreciate the details of your response.

Would you say that love has something to do with virtue, with kindness, gentleness and empathy, particularly towards the helpless and dependent?

Would you also say that love also has something to do with exploring the interests of the person you say you love? (As you are doing now).

I am also happy to talk in person, to try and answer any questions you might have, if that would be useful to you at all. I can call you, or we can use Skype.

Stefan,

As I said love can be defined in many different ways.  Our family loves Rod unconditionally.  Unconditional love is a concept that means showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs.  The person I want to talk to is Rod.  Based on his responses on this website it appears he looks to you for guidance.  Would you support him having a conversation with me in person so that he can answer my questions himself?

Kari 

Kari Peterson:

As I said love can be defined in many different ways. Our family loves Rod unconditionally. Unconditional love is a concept that means showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs.

Ahh, I think I see a problem.  Words that are so basic, like "love", are very hard to define precisely.  However, figuring out whether an action is loving or not is very easy, which you've shown by determining whether your family's actions count as showing love or not.

It's the same way for me, too.  I have trouble precisely defining things off-the-cuff.  I don't have so much problem figuring out whether a word fits an actual situation, though.

So, to help out, here are Stefan's questions rephrased :
If someone consistently does things that are unkind, ungentle, and unempathetic to a helpless and dependent person, does the first person love the helpless person ?
If one person never explores the interests of another person, does the first person love the second one ?

I must admit, I've read your posts and I don't fully understand you, and I think your answers to these particular questions would help a lot.